Thursday, December 16, 2010

right righ right left

children watched tv, and one by one fell asleep.
well Ai was asleep from the beginning...

funny how Ibit and Ar and Ir turn their head to the right, and Ai' to the left... :D

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

Saturday, December 11, 2010

the performance

ibit performed Blue Danube and sang Ibu Pertiwi
at Jo Music Youth Concert

Friday, December 10, 2010

the artist

did I say I didn't want my children to be artists?

look at my girl.
for the last five or six months she's been practicing rebana with her groups. once a week to get prepared for a competition in the district. now as they succeeded and took #1 place, they have to prepare for the province level.

as a part of the preparation, last night they perform at the book fair. 
imagine how hard the day the kids went thru, 
went to school (and have exam) at 07.00AM. got home at 12.00PM. back to school to practice at 03.00PM. stayed at school and off to the fair at 07.00 PM. then performed 8 songs until 09.00 PM.

she got home at 10.00PM, dying.
this morning she woke up late, having headache and whining, 'I haven't read a sentence for the exam today...'

not only that. she will be performing tonight, playing piano and sing.
well I guess she has to learn to manage herself....

I didn't want my children to be artist. but what if they do?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

then and now

this was Ai' when he was 2 weeks old

can you recognize him now?

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

don't tell me this is not cute

unless you can give a better word

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


I wrote a short story 'android'. It told about a human-robot and inspired by the condition when I was tired being a human that had to pretend all the time.
I never thought android would be a platform to a mobile interndt activity. I am now using it and it is darn so cool.
This post is posted from my blogger-droid. The best part is, not like the Blogger application from SonyErricsson that only allow me to post one blog, with this I can choose which blog I wish to post to.
Now I guess I have no reason to feeling lazy to blog...
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Monday, November 15, 2010

ab crunch and hamstring exercise with Ai'

latihan untuk paha atas dan otot perut bawah bersama Ai' :D

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Pray for Indonesia

pray for victims of tsunami in Mentawai
pray for the victims of Mount Merapi's eruptions

I am so speechless.
this makes me cry.
I wish there's some thing I can do more than just to share a little amount of money I have. 

do you think it is okay if I go being a volunteer and leave my children with the nanny at home? 

Friday, October 29, 2010

the smell

I got in to Ar Ir's room this evening, and smell some thing bad. Since Ar and Ir some times bring Nowa, one of our cats, to sleep with them; I thought may be Nowa has peed there because the door was closed.

"How could you guys stand this awful smell? Make sure to let your door open if you bring the cats sleep with you"

And Ir replied, "But, Ibu, it wasn't the cat. It was Ar. He didn't pee before bed last night"

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Ir mesti.....!

suatu sore. lagi pada ribut pengen bikin milkshake instant.
Ibit: aku mau rasa melon!
Ar: aku mau rasa jambu!
Ir. aku mau rasa air.


jika keluar dari toko ADA, untuk langsung belok ke arah pulang kadang susah karena lalu lintas yang padat. karenanya Dan lebih dulu ikut arus sampai seratus dua ratus meter sampai ke depan Banteng Raider, lalu balik arah pelan-pelan.
suatu hari Minggu sesudah makan bubur ayam di dekat Sarinah (alm) Banyumanik, aku ajak Dan untuk ke simpang lima sebentar. sampai depan Banteng Raider anak-anak mulai bertanya kenapa bukannya pulang, tapi malah jalan ke arah sana.
Ibit: mau ke mana ini Bapak?
Bapak: muter-muter aja..
Ar: oh, muter-muter
Ir: mau muter aja kok jauh amat.


suatu hari kami mendapat space parkir yang terlalu sempit. dan Dan memarkir terlalu mepet ke mobil di sebelah kanan.
aku: wah, mepet banget. lewat pintu kiri aja ya anak-anak, yang ngga mepet.
Ir: lewat pintu belakang lebih ngga mepet.


suatu sore sepulang kerja
Ar: ibu, tadi kakiku digigit kucing garong item
aku: kok bisa?
Ir: kakinya Ar dikira makanan.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

a [late] Eid note

I forgot how long I've paused blogging. Not because I wanted to but more because I had to. I had crazy time during Ramadhan. Ar was sick. And then Eidl Fitri came. I went 'home' visited my parents and was not connected to internet for almost two weeks. The time I go back home, my computer was having an error. Now that it is fixed, I knew I've missed too much to write...

but at least I still have this to remind me about precious moment we had this Eid

there, me and Dan, and the children, and my parents.

it was so wonderful to have all my siblings, all with their families, come together. only a day and a night, but no words can describe the happiness we had.
my sister suddenly came as a surprise. we didn't expect her to come because her husband was sick and just had had a surgery. but there they were!

there, the kids and uncles playing futsal

there, the grandparents with all grand children

there, my parents with me and all my siblings

I hope we can still have the togetherness in the future...

HAPPY [late late late] EID MUBARAK

Thursday, September 2, 2010

the sick

alhamdulillah, thank God he's home.
since last tuesday, Ar got a fever. his body is warm to hot, it was 39 Celsius degree. we've seen a doctor, he said Ar might got a laryngitis. but if his temperature didn't go lower in four days, Ar would need a blood test.
Friday afternoon, his temperature was 37. it's low, it's normal. I felt good. but in the evening the temperature rose again. at 20.00 pm it reached 39,4. we bought him to hospital right away.
we hadn't known the blood test results yet, but the doctor suggested Ar to stay for the fever has occurred for four days.we didn't like it, but thought it was the best to do.

I can't stand watching babies in infusions. the lab test results said it was typhus and dengue fever. two weakening illness at the same time must be so hard for a 7 year old boy. he couldn't do nothing but lying on bed. he wouldn't speak. he couldn't even smile.

Ar is a computer boy. Dan brought him a laptop to cheer him up, but he was too weak to sit up in front of it.

day four Ar got better and felt strong enough to take a walk. we went to the balcony and viewed the city. we could see Dan's office which stands next to a mall.
"when I went home, I want to go to that mall next to Bapak's office" Ar said.
so Wednesday afternoon was the time, he was allowed to go home. he could finally smile, he even had his lunch by himself. it feels like going out of jail...
Ar is still weak and need some rest. but thank God he's over with the fever

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Lisa and Cecily

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

baby and daddy

I always hope there is a strong tie between fathers and sons. as strong as the ties I have built between me and my children, years before I go back to working world. it is sad to find that we spend most of our time working then being with our family. but however, I keep trying to optimize the family time we have.

Dan works six days a week, from 08.00 am to whenever he needs to go home. no, it doesn't mean he can go home any time he wants. it means he can only go home when the work is done, and it can be anytime, late, over the working hours.

I, and my children, some times protest his in-existence. spending more time out there than being with family. he goes out every morning, at the same time my children go to school. he come home at night, often when my children are all already go to bed.

I have made some conditions to make Dan 'have to' interact with the children. for example, I used to give some money to my children every Monday. now I make Dan do it. some times he forgot and just goes to work like that. so my children ask me for the money. and I said, "that's Bapak's part. you ask him."

but with baby Ai', I can not do that. baby Ai' still don't know any thing about money :D

I still want my baby to interact with Dan. so some times I pushed Dan to sit down and put Ai' on his arms. not because I have to do something else, or because I'm tired carrying him. I just want him to be with his father.

well I hope it'll work. and as the baby grows up, I need to find more ways for us to keep connected each other...

Thursday, August 19, 2010

wish me a happy birthday and more...

... coz I don't want to be happy on my birthday, but then sad tomorrow and the next days...

GOD, I don't want a lot for my birthday. YOU've given me more than I've ever asked for, and I am always grateful for that.
but... may be YOU can have some one to send me a Blackberry...

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

Monday, August 9, 2010


aku tahu kamu bangga. sekarang umurmu sudah dua angka.
I know you proud of you two digits age

tahukah kau, nak? kau sekarang hampir remaja, dan Ibu makin terpesona. seperti selalu, sejak semula. kedewasaan, kemandirian, imajinasi, talenta, mimpi, kemauan -- kau punya segalanya. dan aku hanya bisa berusaha untuk selalu membuka kesempatan.
but do you know, baby? you are about to leave 'kid' and became 'teen', and you amaze me more. like always, from the beginning. maturity, independence, imagination, talents, dreams, wishes - you've got everything. and I can only try to keep the opportunities open

tahukah kau, nak? hari ke hari semakin aku harus belajar padamu. tentang menerima kenyataan. tentang menghadapi kekecewaan. tentang keteguhan pendirian.
do you know, my dear? day to day I realize I must learn more from you. about accepting the facts. about facing disappointment. concerning the establishment of persistance

tahukah kau, nak? kadang aku merasa, aku lah anakmu, dan kau ibuku.
do you know, honey? some times I feel, I am your daughter, and you are my mother.

selamat ulang tahun, sayang. tetaplah menjadi pribadi istimewa, semakin.
happy birthday, sweetheart. keep yourself being a special one, and more.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

a common thing become less special

this a text of one macapat song (Javanese traditional singing) in a contest Ibit joined. Ibit has been sent to join Macapat Contest for the last three years, in two different cathegories. during that time, she always took #1 place in Kecamatan level. means she was then sent to Kabupaten, but the best result was #3 place in this level.
ini teks salah satu lomba macapat yang diikuti Ibit. Ibit sudah tiga tahun belakangan ini ikut lomba macapat, dua kategori setiap tahunnya. selama itu, dia selalu berhasil jadi juara 1 di tingkat kecamatan. artinya setelah itu dia maju ke tingkat kabupaten, tapi hasil terbaik di tingkat ini baru juara 3

couple days ago, she was again sent to join the same contest. Ar and Ir were trained to follow Ibit but seemed they were still not ready for a competition.
after the contest, I asked her how did she do it.
she said, 'hh... just like usually. I took first place'
and she said that with plain face, like being #1 is not special. later, in the evening, Dan called from office. Ibit talked to him, I didn't. after hanging the phone Ibit asked me, 'why Bapak didn't ask me the results of the contest?'
'why, do you think?'
'I think he already knew what I got'
beberapa hari yang lalu Ibit ikut lomba lagi. Ar dan Ir juga dilatih untuk ikut lomba yang sama, tapi sepertinya belum siap.
seusai lomba, aku tanya bagaimana hasilnya.
dengan wajah datar dia menjawab, 'biasa... juara satu,' seolah juara satu itu biasa aja. sorenya, Dan menelpon dari kantor. Ibit yang bicara dengannya, aku ngga tahu ngobrolin apa. setelah menutup telponnya, Ibit bertanya padaku, 'kenapa Bapak ngga nanyain hasil lombaku?'
'menurutmu kenapa?'
'kayanya Bapak udah bisa nebak hasilnya'

may be. well may be not. I thought Dan was too busy with work and forgot to ask about that. but the fact that Ibit thought so, showed how a success she made has become a common thing - and not special. I don't know it is sad or what. I just think shes starting getting bored with the same contest.
mungkin. mungkin juga tidak. kupikir Dan terlalu sibuk dengan kerjaan dan lupa untuk bertanya soal itu. tapi kenyataan bahwa Ibit berpikir begitu, menunjukkan bahwa keberhasilan yang dia capai sudah menjadi sesuatu yang biasa, tidak istimewa. aku tidak tahu itu menyedihkan atau bagaimana. tapi kelihatannya dia sudah mulai bosan ikut lomba yang sama.

really, I wonder why. whenever there is any activity in school, as long it is about singing, it was always Ibit to be sent. any kind of singing contest, and singing performance. name it: pop singing, macapat, rebana, band. it has been going since her first year. she enjoyed them first, but I think she is tired now, or bored. beside, aren't there any other student to participate? I believe there are some students want to have the same chance. I'm afraid that the teachers only think about results, and abandon a possibility this could lead to jealousy.
aku juga heran. setiap kali ada kegiatan di sekolah yang berhubungan dengan menyanyi, selalu Ibit yang dikirim. sebut saja: menyanyi pop, macapat, rebana, band. sejak kelas satu lho. awalnya dia menikmati, tapi sepertinya sekarang mulai capek, atau bosan. lagi pula, apa tidak ada anak lain? aku yakin pasti ada murid lain yang ingin juga ikut berpartisipasi. takutnya guru guru hanya memikirkan hasil lomba, dan mengesampingkan kemungkinan bahwa hal ini bisa menimbulkan kecemburuan.

well, this year will be the last year for her to still be able to do those activities. I'll just let her do it if she likes, or quit if she wants to. I just don't want some thing fun turn into some thing sucks.
well, ini tahun terakhir buat Ibit untuk bisa mengikuti kegiatan kegiatan tersebut. aku biarkan saja kalau dia masih ingin ikut, atau berhenti kalau mau. aku cuma tidak mau kalau hal yang menyenangkan menjadi memuakkan.

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

nowa loves ibit

Thursday, July 15, 2010

3D and coolness

you need to be cool...
harus keren

to be able to enjoy a 3D movie
kalau mau nonton film 3D

like what we watched last night: DESPICABLE ME
the children loved it, and so did every one...

seperti yang kita tonton semalam: DESPICABLE ME
anak-anak senang, semua senang...

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Momma

Saturday, July 10, 2010

a break

I have nothing to tell about this week. But you might want to read a short story I wrote...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

big one little one

I and my sister in law Lin, had babies in only 18 days apart. mine, Ai, was born 2,5 kgs while Lin's baby Nara was 2,8.
aku dan iparku Lin punya bayi hanya selisih 18 hari. bayiku, Ai', terlahir 2,5kg sedangkan bayi Liln, Nara 2,8.
this week I visit my parents and have a chance to spend some time with them, as my kids are having long holiday and I am still off from work..
minggu ini aku mengunjungi orang tuaku dan berkesempatan menghabiskan waktu bersama mereka, mumpung anak-anak lagi liburan sekolah dan aku juga masih cuti.

now look at them, Nara 6weeks and Ai' 4weeks. Nara has grown up to 6kgs while Ai' is now 3,5kgs. funny to see how two babies in an (almost) same age are being in so different sizes. I'm so jealous about Nara's progress in gaining weight. well, Ai' has reached the standard weight at least. but still he looks so tiny beside Nara!
lihat deh, Nara 6minggu dan Ai' 4minggu. Nara sudah 6kg dan Ai' sekarang 3,5kg. lucu rasanya melihat bayi yang seumuran tapi ukurannya beda banget. aku iri dengan penambahan berat badan Nara. lumayan sih, Ai' sudah mencapai berat badan standar. tapi tetep aja keliatan kecil banget kalau dijejerin Nara!

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily

Friday, June 25, 2010

Dek Ai's Aqiqah

last night we did aqiqah for Dek Ai'

from this web I excerpted the definition of aqiqah
Aqiqah literally means cut and it is often used for the hair of a new born baby that is cut or shaved.
Aqiqah is defined as the animal that is slaughtered on the occasion when the hair of a new born is shaved.

The animal is called aqiqah and it is also encouraged for the animal to be called nasikah or zhabihah.

The time to perform aqiqah begins with the birth of the baby. It continues until the baby reaches the age of puberty or independence. Once the person is independent, the responsibility of performing aqiqah rest on his ownself and he can perform it for his ownself if this act has not been done previously.
The best time to perform aqiqah is on the seventh day after the birth of the baby. This was reported in Abu Daud where the Prophet ( Peace be upon him ) said : " A young boy is cleansed with his aqiqah. An animal is slaughtered for him on the seventh day, his name is given and his head shaved."

we invited neighbors and friends. and alhamdulillah the ceremony went well.
hope Ai' will grow healthy, and be a shalih boy. amin

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily

Monday, June 21, 2010

the inconvenience.

aku suka kalau teman anak-anakku datang ke rumah. main seharian. apalagi menginap. mereka juga sepertinya senang. mereka tahu aku galak, tapi sebenernya baik hati (uhuk!)
I like it when my children's friend come to my house. all day long. or stay over. I think they are happy too. they now I'm a screamer but very kind *uhuk*.

jika mereka masih berada di rumahku saat tiba waktu makan, aku akan menyuruh mereka makan. jika Ibu mereka tidak mengijinkan untuk makan 'di rumah orang', maka mereka akan aku suruh pulang untuk makan di rumah. aku menghormati kebijakan ibunya, apa pun alasannya. meskipun aku sendiri sama sekali tidak keberatan mereka makan di rumahku, seperti aku tidak keberatan jika sekali waktu anakku main ke rumah temannya dan ditawari makan di sana.
when it is meal time and they are still at my house, I will ask them to have meal together with my children. if their parents don't allow that, then I'll ask them to go home and have meal at home. I respect their parents policy, for whatever the reason be. although I don't mind at all letting them have meal at my house, as I don't mind if some times my children go to their friends house and asked to have meal there.

beberapa hari di awal liburan ini, teman-teman Ibit dan Ar Ir berkumpul di rumah. ramai banget kadang aku sampai kasihan Ai' yang sering kaget karena jeritan teriakan. untunglah dengan memberi sedikit pengertian mereka bisa lebih menahan diri untuk tidak terlalu bervolume tinggi jika sedang dekat tempat Ai' tidur.
these early days of holidays, Ar Ir and Ibit's friend came by. so noisy but fun. the noise some times bothered my baby but thank God it was easy to make them understand and not to scream near where the baby sleeps.

kemarin, ketika tiba jam makan, Ibu dari salah satu teman Ibit menelpon, meminta putrinya untuk pulang makan. si anak minta ijin untuk tetap tinggal dan makan di rumahku, tapi ibunya tidak mengijinkan. akhirnya dia membereskan mainan yang baru saja dia pakai (ini peraturan kalau main di rumahku - beresin dulu baru pulang :D) dan bersiap pulang. kebetulan saat itu, ada tukang dawet lewat dan anak-anak mau. selesai beberes mereka minum dawet dulu.
yesterday, at lunch time, one of the children's mother called, asked for her daughter and son to go home and have lunch at home. the daughter asked if she were allowed to stay and have lunch with Ibit but the answer was no. so she tided up the toys and got ready to go home. by the time a dawet seller was passing by and I treated the children. so after finished tidying up the toys the enjoy the drink.

saat itu lah si ibu yang tadi menelpon datang menjemput. dia minta maaf karena anaknya 'merepotkan'. aku tertawa saja, karena sama sekali tidak merasa direpotkan. mereka semua gampang diatur dan menyenangkan. dia juga menyatakan keheranannya, kenapa dua anaknya betah banget kalau main di rumah Ibit.
that time, the mother who just called came to pick up her kids. she apologized for her kids have given me some inconvenience. I just smiled and said it was no inconvenience at all. they were all have been so nice. she also tell me, she wondered why her children like to stay ang play in Ibit's house.

aku sempat mendengar si ibu menanyai teman Ibit itu, "kamu barusan makan apa?"
"ngga makan apa-apa"
"jangan bohong, Ibu cium bau makanan di mulutmu"
akhirnya anak itu mengaku.

I caught a conversation between that mother and child when theyleft
"what did you eat?"
"don't lie, I can smell something"
and the child confess.

sungguh, aku tidak mengerti kenapa ada orang yang melarang anaknya makan di rumah orang, sampai segitunya. aku takut apa-apa yang aku hidangkan dianggap tidak layak makan buat anak-anak mereka...
really, I don't get it, why some people prohibit their kids eating something from others. I mean, they know me, and I am not a bad guy. I'm afraid they think I give the children food that are not foodgrade.

hari ini rumah tidak seramai kemarin. dua kakak beradik yang dijemput ibunya kemarin itu, tidak datang lagi. seorang teman Ibit yang lain, yang biasa nyamperi mereka sambil perjalanan menuju ke rumahku mengatakan, bahwa mereka berdua tidak diperbolehkan oleh ibunya untuk main ke rumah Ibit.
today this house is not as noisy as yesterday. those two kids picked up by their mother don't come. a friend has came by on her way here, she said they both are not allowed to go to Ibit's house anymore.

sedih ngga sih. apa aku sudah melakukan sebuah kesalahan? aku harus bagaimana?
isn't this so sad? did I do some thing wrong? what should I do?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

the brothers

Ar Ir were just woke up from their afternoon nap and walked into my room. baby Ai' was just finished taking bath.
Ar Ir baru bangun tidur siang dan masuk ke kamarku. Ai' baru saja selesai mandi

what do you think those big brothers were thinking?
apa ya, yang sedang dipikirkan kakak-kakak itu?

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Lisa

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

the hero...


...lies in everybody. the brave hearts are those who conquer the fears.
...ada dalam diri setiap orang. pemberani adalah mereka yang mengalahkan ketakutan.

Dan's (one) big fear was height. he has a phobia. but slowly he can get along with height. standing on the third step of a ladder used to make him trembling and sweat, but now he can climb to the rooftop.
salah satu ketakutan Dan yang besar adalah ketinggian. dia punya phobia. tapi perlahan dia bisa akrab dengan ketinggian. dulu, berdiri di anak tangga ketiga bisa bikin gemetar dan berkeringat. sekarang dia bisa naik ke atap.

his other fear was blood -- and things related to it. he once almost got fainted when his big toe was stubbed and bleeding. he almost got fainted when he accompanied Ar picking his baby tooth and needed an injection on his gum. thing like that.
salah satu ketakutannya yang lain adalah darah -- dan hal-hal yang berkaitan dengan itu. pernah dia hampir pingsan karena jempol kakinya kesandung dan berdarah. hampir pingsan ketika menemani Ar harus disuntik gusinya waktu cabut gigi. hal-hal semacam itu lah.

through my first and second time delivering my children, Dan wasn't there beside me to accompany me. I understood very well his fear. if he got fainted while I was struggling, it would be an inconvenience. so I let him waited outside, just as long as he was there.
waktu melahirkan anak pertama dan kedua, Dan tidak menunggui aku. aku mengerti sekali ketakutannya. kalau dia pingsan saat aku sedang berjuang, alangkah repotnya. jadi aku biarkan dia menunggu di luar ruangan.

on our last visit to the doctor before the baby birth

but on my third, I asked him to accompany me, inside the room, beside me. I said, "I'm feeling too old to have a baby. I am not that young and strong. I am so nervous. I need you to strengthen me". I meant it.
tapi di kehamilan ketiga, aku minta dia untuk menemani aku di dalam ruangan, di sampingku. kataku, "aku merasa sudah tua untuk punya bayi. aku ngga muda dan kuat lagi. aku gugup banget. aku butuh kamu temani". aku sungguh-sungguh.

it was a blessing that he agreed. Dan sat there beside my bed during my labor. and witnessed the second Dek Ai' breathed and cried for the first time. and not got fainted.
sungguh sebuah anugrah dia mau. Dan duduk di sebelah tempat tidurku selama proses persalinan. menyaksikan detik Dek Ai' bernafas dan menangis untuk pertama kalinya. dan tidak pingsan.

I do appreciate what he did. it was a huge thing he did for me. he really did support me. and I am so grateful. my hero.
aku sangat menghargai yang dilakukannya. hal besar. dia mendukungku, menguatkan. dan aku sangat berterima kasih, pahlawanku.

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Ibit 'slapped' me, again

I read some where about moms who have new born baby. they were to busy taking care of the newborn and ignore their older children. I'm glad you don't do so
aku pernah baca tentang ibu-ibu yang punya bayi. dia sibuk mengurus bayinya yang baru lahir dan mengabaikan kakak si bayi. aku senang ibu ngga gitu'


that's now.
itu sekarang.

I confess. when my twin were born, I ignored Ibit -- though I didn't mean to. I spend most of my time for the twins, and less for Ibit. I demanded Ibit to take care of her self when she was still three years old. I yelled at her for things shouldn't be yelled at.
aku ngaku dosa. dulu jaman kembar lahir, aku mengabaikan Ibit -- walau sama sekali tidak bermaksud begitu. waktuku tercurah ngurusin bayi kembar dan sedikit banget untuk Ibit. aku menuntut Ibit yang belum genap tiga tahun untuk mandiri. memarahi untuk hal-hal yang tidak seharusnya disebut kesalahan.

I remember she slammed the door because she said some thing but I didn't pay attention. may be after three years later, I realized the mistake I've done. too late I know. but as soon as that I tried to pay. I support every obsession she has, fulfill every hope. hard, as she is a perfectionist. maybe not enough but I try my best.
aku ingat dia membanting pintu karena tidak kugubris permintaannya. mungkin baru setelah kembar berumur tiga tahunan, aku menyadari bahwa aku hutang banyak perhatian untuk dicurahkan ke putriku itu. telat banget, I know. tapi aku sesegera itu berusaha membayar. mendukung setiap obsesinya, berusaha memenuhi setiap harapannya. sulit, karena dia perfeksionis. mungkin belum cukup, tapi aku berusaha.


I used to do so, when your twin brothers were born
dulu Ibu begitu, waktu adik kembarmu baru lahir

I don't remember
aku tidak ingat

you were so young. but I do remember (and my regrets still goes on...)

kamu masih kecil. tapi Ibu ingat (nyeselnya belum ilang, dan ga bisa dibayar, nak...)

why are you not like that now? you still take care of me and Ar Ir although you are busy with dek Ai'
kenapa sekarang ngga begitu? Ibu tetep ngurusi kakak-kakak meskipun repot ngurusin dek Ai'

because now I know I was wrong. I don't want to do the same mistake. beside, you and Ar Ir are big kids now. you all are so clever helping me taking care of dek Ai'. so I still have much time for you big brothers and sister.
karena sekarang Ibu tahu dulu Ibu salah. ngga mau begitu lagi. lagian, kakak-kakak sudah besar, pinter bantuin Ibu ngurusin dek Ai' jadi Ibu tetep ada waktu ngurusin kakak-kakak...


I still don't know how to thank Ibit...

ga tahu deh bagaimana harus berterima kasih ke Ibit...

she always find a way to cheer up herself. like this picture, what do you think she was doing?
dia selalu punya cara untuk menghibur diri sendiri. seperti foto ini, menurutmu dia sedang apa?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

the facts - a note seven days after.

Fakta-fakta - sebuah catatan setelah tujuh hari.

I'm not in the mood of being sentimental. I just want to talk facts.

aku sedang tidak mood being sentimental. aku mau bicara fakta saja.

@Fact 1: Dek Ai' was delivered after exactly 40weeks pregnancy and over 14 hours struggling.
Fact 2: Was so tiny, 5,5 lbs and 19 inches.
Fact 3: Succeeded early initiation within 30 minutes.

Fakta 1: Dek Ai lahir setelah kehamilan selama 40 minggu, dan 14 jam perjuangan di ruang bersalin.
Fakta 2: Kecil, cuma 2,4 kg dan 48 cm.
Fakta 3: Berhasil dalam Inisiasi Menyusui Dini di 30 menit setelah kelahirannya.

Fact 4: He was, and still yellow due to Icterus, high bilirubin in his blood. Therefore he needs extra sunbathing every morning, and much maternity milk flowing -- to gain weight and rinse the bilirubin along with the pee.
Fakta 4: Tubuhya kuning karena Icterus, kandungan bilirubin yang tinggi dalam darah. Karenanya dia butuh dijemur tiap pagi, dan banyak minum ASI -- untuk menambah berat badan dan menggelontor bilirubinnya keluar bersama urine.

Fact 5: As the doctor told me, a yellow baby sleeps a lot, over 18 hours a day. I need to wake him up every other hour to breastfeeding.
Fakta 5: Seperti kata dokter, bayi kuning banyak tidur, lebih dari 18 jam sehari. Aku harus membangunkannya tiap 2 jam untuk menyusui.

Fact 6: He is now 7 days old, and like I've always wished and my every prayer, I wish for his health.
Fact 7: I'm just a mother, who has found him as my new reason to live. And I'll do the best I can, that's all I can do.

Fakta 6: Sekarang Dek Ai' sudah 7 hari, dan seperti yang selalu aku mohon dalam doa, aku memohon untuk kesehatannya.
Fakta 7: Aku cuma seorang ibu, yang mendapatinya sebagai alasan baru bagiku untuk hidup. Aku akan memberikan yang terbaik yang aku bisa, hanya itu yang aku bisa.

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Krista

Monday, May 31, 2010

the little guy

I am not a patient girl. nothing happens on my due date drove me crazy. I didn't want to be induce or have C-section. then I did crazy thing that I thought would give me contraction.
aku bukan gadis penyabar. tidak terjadi apa-apa di HPL bikan aku senewen. aku ga mau diinduksi apalagi operasi. lalu aku melakukan hal-hal gila, yang aku pikir bisa merangsang kontraksi

I swept the whole house's floor (well it is a small house anyway :P)
I cleaned the bath room
I walked 2 kilo meters in the morning, and again in the afternoon

aku ngepel seluruh rumah (halah, rumah kecil ding :P)
aku nyikat kamar mandi
aku jalan 2 kilo di pagi hari, dan lagi sore harinya

I wanted to walk around every floor in the biggest mall in the city but Dan thought it was too crazy he could not tolerate.

aku mau jalan-jalan keliling tiap lantai di mal paling besar di semarang, tapi ga boleh sama Dan.

I don't know if those worked, or there was any other reasons. I got contraction and about 9 pm I went to hospital. until 7 am (GOD, ten hours!) there was no progress, my contraction stood still, even weakening. I didn't want but I needed a little induction to fix the contraction. at 8 am they put it in, and alhamdulillah at 9.10 am, this little guy says hello to me.
ngga tahu apakah itu hasil usahaku atau ada sebab lain. akhirnya aku dapat kontraksi dan jam 9 malam masuk rumah sakit. sampai jam 7 pagi (Ya Tuhan, sepuluh jam!) tidak ada kemajuan. kontraksiku bukannya nambah malah melemah. aku tidak ingin tapi harus diberi induksi untuk memperbaiki kontraksi. jam delapan infus dipasang, dan alhamdulillah jam 09.10, lelaki ganteng ini berteriak menyapaku

world, Dek Ai'
dunia, Dek Ai'

*we haven't find a name but we already have that nick name.
*belum nemu nama panjang, pokoknya panggilanannya begitu

this has been the biggest toot of the week. so I'm joining

Thursday, May 27, 2010

the due date

this is me, I just took my very own picture with my cellphone, few minutes ago.

how do I look?

fat ?

no matter how I look, let me tell you how I am feeling inside, right now.

I am frustrated.

this is my due date and I still haven't got any signs. the doctor said if the baby doesn't come within a week, he will induce me -- or I might need a section.

I don't want either one. I hope everything will go, normally.

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Mamarazzi

Thursday, May 20, 2010

the schedule

I'm tired of listening to the kids fighting, who has to take bathe first or second or last. it happens twice a day, everyday.
capek tiap hari dengerin anak-anak berantem, siapa yang harus mandi pertama, kedua, terakhir. tiap hari, sehari dua kali.

so I made this schedule and put it on bathroom door. they MUST obey it or they should never take bathe - ever...
jadi aku bikin jadwal ini, ditempel di pintu kamar mandi. mereka harus patuhi jadwal atau ngga usah mandi sekalian - selamanya...

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Mom24

Monday, May 17, 2010


This is Popo. He is a boy from somewhere around the neighborhood. Popo is Sasa's boy friend. There is another boy who looked quite cute and flirted Sasa but Sasa didn't like. I must agree with Sasa, Popo is so handsome.

Ini Popo. Cowok dari sekitar perumahan sini. Popo ini pacarnya Sasa. Ada cowok lain lumayan ganteng yang naksir Sasa, tapi Sasa ga suka. Aku harus setuju sama Sasa, Popo emang ganteng banget...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

the illiterate


that's me.
technology some times drives me crazy.

iya, aku.
teknologi kadang bikin bete.

I like my old Sony Ericsson C510 cell-phone with it's built in camera. it is simple as a camera but I think so cool for a camera-phone. it is auto focus, can take macro photos, and the best part is, I can simply send every picture I took to Face Book and to 'Stupidshots' - my photo blog on Blogger. Sony Ericsson has prepared it for me.
aku suka henponku yang dulu, SE C510 dengan kamera. kalo mau dibilang kamera memang terlalu sederhana, tapi lumayan keren untuk ukuran camera-phone. bisa auto-focus, moto makro, dan yang paling aku suka adalah, bisa langsung kirim foto ke FB dan ke blog foto-ku di blogger, Stupidshots. Sony Ericsson sudah menyiapkan fasilitas itu buatku.

today, everyone around holds qwerty cell phone, cell-phones with computer-keyboard-alike key pad. first was Black Berry, and now every name has this kind of phone. I, my self, never thought it was cool. I think qwerty-keypad is weird and touch screen like i-Phone is way cool.
sekarang, hampir semua orang pegang henpon qwerty, yang kwypadnya mirip keyboard komputer. dulu mulai dengan BlackBerry, sekarang semua merk bikin henpon model begini. menurutku sih henpon qwerty itu ngga keren, aneh malah. yang keren itu yang touch screen macam i-Phone itu.

but, i-Phone is not affordable, for me. so as an i-Phone wannabe I bought Samsung Monte. it was beautiful and looked just as cool as I wanted it to be. the problems is, you need to be some one so soft to do touching. I can't be. I don't touch, I hit. so it didn't work. I was frustrated using it, especially when it came to typing. after a week stressed, I sold it.
tapi i-Phone itu ga terjangkau olehku. jadi aku beli Samsung Monte yang mirip-mirip. keren sih. masalahnya, kalo mau make henpon touchscreen itu kudu orang lembut. aku ngga bisa. karena aku ngga bisa sekedar 'menyentuh', aku cenderung mengetuk. jadi ga klop. frustrasi makenya, apalagi kalo nulis. makanya setelah stress seminggu, akhirnya kujual lagi

I should have been thankful and just held on to my Sony Ericsson, but I didn't. I bought this.

harusnya aku cukup bersyukur sudah punya SE itu, tapi aku malah beli ini.

Nokia E71

it is a qwerty I know. and I am not ashamed to finally confess, although it looks weird, it is easier for me to type texts. so I lived with the qwerty thing. it also has a 3,2 mpx autofocus camera. but, this phone doesn't have that simple feature to send pictures to FB and Blogger. for a while I thought, maybe I just haven't found it. but after some exploring I found that Blogger is not included in the webs this phone supports for sending picture directly. I need to set up a mobile blogging for my phone.
iya, itu qwerty. tapi aku ngga malu mengakui bahwa walaupun tampangnya aneh, tapi enak buat ngetik. jadi aku terima hidup dengan si qwerty. dia juga dilengkapi dengan kamera autofokus 3,2 mpx. tapi, henpon ini ga punya fitur simple buat ngirim foto langsung ke FB atau Blogger. tadinya kupikir karena belum nemu aja. tapi setelah aku pelajari, Blogger memang tidak termasuk di web yang disupport untuk kirim foto langsung. harus set up mobile blogging dulu.

this morning I spent hours learning how to start blogger-on-the-go, and it's not as simple as sending a text message, as told in the Blogger help center, because I don't live in US. so I did other way, set up my mobile blogging via email.
tadi sepagian aku mempelajari bagaimana memulai blogger-on-the-go. tapi ternyata ga semudah kirim sms seperti yang ada di help-centernya Blogger, soalnya aku tidak pake nomor US. jadi harus set up mobile blogging via email.

here, I got confuse, whether I had to make a new email account right from my cell-phone, or I could just use my old account but access it through phone. what I did was, I set the Nokia email wizard using my old account - I had to install it. well it worked. I did a test and I succeeded posting a picture. but then, like in every second my phone beeped. a notification of an incoming email. GOD. the email I put in my phone was an email I use to join a crazy mail-list, which sends me over one hundred emails in a day. this really drove me crazy.
di sini aku bingungnya. apa aku harus bikin akun email baru langsung dari henpon, atau cukup akses email lama dari henpon. akhirnya aku aktifkan Nokia email wizard dan memakai akun email yang sudah ada. berhasil sih, aku bisa uplod foto langsung ke Blogger. tapi kemudian henponku tulat tulit terus, ada notifikasi email masuk. GOD. email yang aku pasang itu adalah email yang aku pakai untuk join milis yang seharinya bisa kemasukan seratusan email lebih. bener-bener sinting.

I said to my phone crazily: ' I know you are beautiful but stupid!'
kataku kepada henponku: kamu cantik tapi oon.

I immediately open the manual book to find out how to turn off the notification but again I was frustrated. the manual book was in Bahasa Indonesia while I set my phone language in English. may be I am weird but I feel technical language translated to Bahasa Indonesia IS weird and confusing... after some hard working (well not that hard actually...) I gave up. more over, lately I found that I was charged for every incoming email notification. NOWAY. that is such a waste, unless I buy an unlimited data-content package. but why should I do that, it is not that urgent, for me.
lekas aku cari buku manualnya, gimana caranya matiin email notifikasi, tapi yang ada aku malah tambah bete. buku manualnya cuma tersedia dalam Bahasa Indonesia, padahal henponku aku set berbahasa Inggris. mungkin aku aneh, tapi menurutku bahasa teknis yang diterjemahkan ke Bahasa Indonesia itu yang aneh dan membingungkan. setelah bekerja keras (ngga terlalu keras sih...) aku menyerah. apalagi kemudian ketauan bahwa setiap ada notifikasi pulsaku berkurang. enak aja. mubadzir itu namanya. kecuali aku beli paket data unlimited. tapi buat apa, ga terlalu penting buatku.

so I un-installed my Nokia emailing instead of just turning off the email notification. I know I have to find some other way to be able to send pictures right from my phone, and some how I will. 'coz I know this phone is smart, only I am illiterate and need to learn A LOT more. wish me luck.
jadi email wizardnya aku un install. aku tahu aku harus cari cara lain supaya bisa kirim foto langsung dari henpon, nanti juga ketemu. karena aku tahu henpon ini sebenernya pinter, akunya yang gaptek dan harus banyak belajar. wish me luck.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

good bye, nowy...

Nowy is (was) one of Sasa's babies. after Chacha and Chichi were gone, she had three other babies: Nowa - Nowy and Kiki.
Nowy adalah salah satu anak Sasa. setelah Chacha dan Chichi hilang, dia punya tiga bayi lagi: Nowa - Nowy dan Kiki.

this afternoon, we were about to go to the barber shop, Ar and Ir needed some hair cut. the kids were there at the terrace while I was still inside preparing some thing. Dan drove the car out of the car port, and seconds after I heard the kids screaming. I ran out and screamed -I thought- even louder than the kids did.
siang ini, kami sedang siap-siap mau ke tukang cukur, Ar Ir sudah perlu potong rambut. anak-anak menunggu di teras sedang aku masih bersiap-siap di dalam. Dan mengeluarkan mobil dari carport, dan beberapa detik kemudian aku dengar anak-anak menjerit. aku lari keluar dan menjerit (kurasa) lebih keras dari mereka.

Nowy was there lying down. blood came out her mouth and she sounded " eek... eek..." her body was convulsing. I immediately got back in. I couldn't stand seeing that little soft frail body suffering. I knew just what happened.
Nowy terbaring. darah keluar dari mulutnya dan dia bersuara "eek... eek..." badannya kejang-kejang. aku buru-buru masuk lagi, ga tahan melihat tubuh lemah kecil itu menderita. aku tahu apa yang baru saja terjadi

Dan has run the car over her. I guess she was sleeping under the tire, like she and her sisters usually do at noon. it was a terrible accident.
Dan melindasnya. mungkin dia sedang tidur di dekat ban, seperti yang dia dan suadara-suadaranya biasa lakukan kalau siang. kecelakaan yang mengerikan.

later when the convulsion stopped - means she's already dead, I got out and lift up her body. Dan buried our little kitten in the garden near our house. a neighbor couldn't understand how we, the whole family, could cry over a cat's dead body. I wouldn't explain anything. those who understand don't need any explanation, at all.
beberapa saat kemudian ketika kejangnya berhenti - yang berarti dia sudah mati, aku keluar dan mengangkat tubuhnya. Dan mengubur mayat kucing kecil kami di kebun dekat rumah. seorang tetangga keheranan bagaimana bisa kami seisi ruman menangisi kucing yang mati. aku tidak akan menjelaskan apa pun. orang yang mengerti tidak butuh penjelasan, sama sekali

this video is, a memory I caught, of our poor Nowy.
video ini, kenangan yang sempat kutangkap, akan Nowy kami yang malang.

good bye, Nowy
selamat jalan, Nowy

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

Thursday, April 29, 2010

the empty tea cups

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecilyand Caitlin

last night when I got home from work, I accompany my children to study. then I let them watch an anime movie a friend lent me.
semalam sepulang kerja, aku menemani anak-anak belajar sebentar. lalu mereka nonton film yang kupinjam dari seorang teman
in the middle of the movie Ibit said she wanted some tea and asked if I would made some for her. I said I would. after I took a bathe and prayed I made the tea and served it for the kids and Dan.
di tengah film Ibit minta dibuatkan teh. aku minta dia menunggu aku mandi dan sholat isya. lalu aku bikin teh untuk anak-anak dan Dan.

it was 9 PM, Ibit asked if they were allowed to sleep over the night time, to finish the movie. I said it was okay, 'but don't forget to do the prayer before bed'.
I was darn too sleepy to join them watch the movie, so I just laid down on the mattress and shut my eyes. I think I fell asleep just view minutes later.

jam 9, ibit minta diperbolehkan tidur lebih malam dari jam tidur biasanya, karena ingin menyelesaikan nonton filmnya. kataku boleh, 'tapi jangan lupa sholat isya sebelum tidur'.
aku ngantuk banget, jadi aku tidak menemani mereka nonton filmnya. aku tiduran di kasur dekat dengan mereka. kayanya aku langsung jatuh tidur.

about 10 and a quarter they turned off the media and ready for bed. faintly I heard 'gluk.. gluk.. gluk..' the sound of Ibit drinking her tea. then...
Ibit: 'Ar, Ir, aren't you going to finish drinking your tea?'
not sure Ar or Ir: 'it's not warm anymore, not good. I don't want it anymore...'
Ibit: 'drink it. Ibu was so tired but still made it for us, you should respect her. poor Ibu if you don't drink it'

sekitar jam sepuluh seperempat aku dengar tivi dimatikan. sayup terdengar suara 'gluk.. gluk.. gluk..' Ibit meminum tehnya. lalu...
Ibit: 'Ar, Ir, kalian ga habisin tehnya?'
entah Ar atau Ir: 'udah ngga anget, ngga enak. aku ngga mau lagi'
Ibit: ' minum, dik. Ibu tadi udah capek-capek bikinin, kasihan kalau nga diminum..."

and both Ar and Ir drank it.
'it still taste good though it's not warm...' one of the twin said.

Ar dan Ir meminumnya.
'eh, masih enak ya walaupun udah ngga anget lagi...' kata salah satu kembarku.

and off they went down stairs, to bed.
dan mereka pergi tidur.


this morning I woke up and found those three empty little cups.
oh yes they are empty, but my heart is filled. what the kid did was such a simple thing. but I found it so touching...

pagi ini aku bangun menemukan tiga cangkir kosong di meja.
cangkirnya kosong, tapi hatiku penuh. apa yang dilakukan anak-anak itu sederhana, tapi bikin aku terharu...