Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Every hard work gives results. And so does Ai's. He now dare to walk holding only on one hand. Soon (I hope) he will let go and have enough confidence, strength and balance to walk on his own feet; then run and play around.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Before she opened the envelope, I told her to take it easy if they don't accept her writing. And she said she would be okay.
I've received many rejections from many medias. It hurt a lil bit but never made me stop writing.
Still I don't understand what Ibit's feeling inside right now. I caught her teary but she ran away. She left the letter squeezed and now lock her room from inside.
But I know she will be fine, soon. Or later. But she will. I know. I just know.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Who is the profile of the school magazine this time?
You may say I am now showing you 'this is my girl, look at her, I made her like this'. But all I want to say is that she's brought it all with her when she was born. I'm just a witness. And I don't need to be reminded about this. She, the sensitive buttheaded girl, has always been the profile of my heart.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Ini chat aku dan mbakku, sesaat setelah dia melihat foto ini di gambar profileku.
Dia: akhirnya, kelihatan seperti anak setahun
Aku: padahal sebenarnya satu setengah tahun
Dia: oya? lupa, sori
Aku: gapapa, di mataku dia masih 9 bulan
Dia: sindrom anak bungsu
Aku: opal (opal adalah bungsunya yang berumur 9 tahun) masih 5 tahun ya?
This is a chat of me with my sister, after she saw this as my profile picture
Her: finally, he looks like a year old boy
Me: but he's one and half
Her: really? I forgot, sorry
Me: never mind, he's 9 months in my eyes
Her: youngest child syndrome
Me: Opal (her 9 yrs youngest boy) is five, huh?
Mungkin memang begitu ya, anak bungsu selalu jadi bayi sampai kapan pun. Perlakuan Bapak-Ibu kepada kami anak-anaknya relatif sama, tidak terasa pilih kasih dalam hal apa pun. Tapi memang cukup terasa perlakuan Ibu-ku kepada adik bungsu kami beda. Perhatian Ibu kepadanya, sedikit lebih, jika dibandingkan dengan kepada kami, kakak-kakaknya.
Tapi itu tidak membuat kami cemburu. Setidaknya aku tidak merasa begitu. Dan kurasa saudara-saudaraku yang lain juga maklum saja. Dasar bungsu. Begitu saja.
Maybe that's the way should be. Youngest child always be baby forever. My parents treat us their children relatively the same. We never feel they love any child more than any other. But we can't deny that our mother's attention to our youngest brother, is more than to us the elder children.
However it never makes us jealous. At least I never felt so. And I think my siblings never do either. We just understand it, ah youngest. That's all.
Sampai lebih dari enam tahun, aku tidak punya anak bungsu, yang benar-benar bungsu. Aku cuma punya sulung, dan dua anak kembar yang tidak bisa dibilang mana yang bungsu, karena mereka lahir bareng (ya... selisih enam menit sih). Jadi tidak ada 'bayi' di mataku. Sampai Ai' lahir. Dia (insya Allah) benar-benar bungsu. Dan memang, sampai dia usia sembilan bulan, di mataku dia masih enam bulan. Itu sebab aku terlambat menyadari keterlambatan pertumbuhan dan perkembangannya. Sekarang usianya hampir 17 bulan. Perkembangannya sudah lebih baik, meskipun masih tertinggal dibanding anak seusianya. Percaya atau tidak. Aku masih harus berusaha keras menanamkan di kepalaku, bahwa usianya sudah segitu. Karena di mataku dia bayi sembilan bulan...
For over six years, I didn't have a youngest child, a real youngest child. I only had the eldest, and a set of twin which I can call either one the youngest. I mean, they were born at the same time (with six minutes delay, yes). So there was no 'baby' in my eyes. Until there was Ai'.He (hopefully) will really be my youngest child. And it was true, until he was nine months old, I saw him as a six months baby. That is why it was too late for me to realize his delayed development. Now he's almost 17 months. His development is much better though still delayed, compared to other babies of his age. Believe it or not. I need to always remind my self that he's 17. 'Coz he's nine in my eyes...
Kurasa aku memang mengidap sindroma itu. Sindroma Anak Bungsu. Dan Ai' mungkin akan jadi bayiku selamanya. Semoga tidak membuatku mengesampingkan kakak-kakaknya.
I think I'm having it, Youngest Child Syndrome. And perhaps, Ai' will always be my baby. I hope it won't make me put his siblings aside.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
But they are two person with different name.
Last week Ir joined a macapat contest (macapat: javanese traditional singing). They both could have joined the contest but only one student per school allowed. The teacher chose him.
Ir made it to take 2nd place. As usual, every time a student (or school) succeed in a competition, it will be announced on the board.
So funny how their teacher wrote 'Ar' who had took the 2nd place in the contest. I mean, they may confuse calling one. But sending a student to competition should be a certain thing, and recorded; right?
Ir came to the teacher, 'it was me who went to the contest, why is Ar's name on the board?'
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Saturday, October 8, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
She's been bearing the weight of life since she was young, until she got married, then had and raised us: her children.
Later in her dawn, she needs to have a therapy for her back twice a week. Still she goes to the orthopedic hospital by bus, alone. It has been going on for the last 6 years.
But you never know what luck brings you. Last week she was on her way to the hospital for the therapy. She just stepped down the bus and about to walk across the street when a kid with a speedy motorbike hit her, right in front of the hospital.
She got fainted for at least 2 hours, before she finally could asked the nurses to call my elder sister.
For two days she had super terrible headache. It was like, she said, the world is turning around and make her sick. Her right leg was broken and needs a surgery. But it can't be done until the headache stops.
Now as the headache is reducing, she can sit up and insists to brush her hair and have her meals by herself. The docs said she's ready for the surgery tomorrow. I hope everything goes well, and my mother soon will be able to run here and there again; like she used to.
Hey little reckless motorbiker kid, you can't beat this strong lady.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Me: who is more handsome, you or Aik?
Me: Ar or Aik?
Me: you or Ar?
Ir: mmm.... Can't tell.
Me: who is more handsome, Ir or Aik?
Me: you or Aik?
Me: you or Ir?
Oh yes, of course...
Monday, September 19, 2011
Through wind and rain
Through hurt and pain
Through tears and laughter
Is there a living happily ever after?
Through the storm and thunder
This is a dozen of years.
This is my first dozen of years; with you.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Did you notice the beginning, where a baby-faced-sun rises and starts the day?
That's how my day starts every morning. When this baby of mine opens his eyes, smiles and starts crawling to start his day. That's when my sun starts shining.
He, is my sunshine... Who always brightens my days; my life.
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Saturday, September 10, 2011
Tuhan pasti punya alasan, mendekatkan keluarga kami dengan rumah sakit. Seingatku, sejak aku masih kecil, seluruh keluarga pernah dirawat inap di rumah sakit. Bahkan ketika aku lahir, kedua kakakku juga sedang dirawat di rumah sakit. Ibu, sedang melahirkan aku. Bapak menunggui kami semua. Ya, jadinya semua pindah tidur ke rumah sakit. Bapak pernah hampir pasrah jika harus kehilangan Ibu, ketika Ibu dirawat sampai berbulan-bulan. Dua adikku pernah balapan melewati masa kritis karena malaria. Kami anak-anak perempuan, semua pernah dioperasi.
God must have a reason to put our family close to hospital. As I recall, since I was little, every one in my family has been treated in hospital. Even when I was born, my sisters were both in hospital. So was my mom, giving me birth. And my dad, taking care of us all. It was like our family moved to the hospital. My Dad once like giving up to lose my mom when she had to stay for months. Both my younger brother once together racing with critical time cause of malaria. We, the girls, all had surgery.
Karena saking seringnya anggota keluarga kami masuk rumah sakit, hal itu seperti menjadi hal yang biasa, walau kami tidak menyukainya. Tidak ada kepanikan. Tahu apa yang harus disiapkan. Siap dengan segala kemungkinan -- termasuk cari hutangan untuk biaya perawatan...
Because it was to often happened, being in hospital was like a normal thing, tho we never liked it. No panic. Knew what to do. Ready for every possibility -- including to owe money to pay the hospital.
Pun ketika Ibit harus dirawat, Dan awalnya panik. Tapi melihat aku tenang, dia pun ikut tenang. Ketika aku harus opname pun, Dan akhirnya tahu apa yang harus dilakukan tanpa jadi panik. Aku bahkan pernah datang sendiri ke rumah sakit, membiarkan diri diharuskan rawat inap. Baru setelah infus terpasang dan aku agak tenang, aku menghubungi Dan untuk datang membawa perlengkapan sehari-hari.
Like when Ibit needed to stay at hospital, Dan was panic at the beginning. But seeing me calm has made him calm too. When one day it was me who needed to stay at hospital, Dan knew exactly what to do and prepare. Once I brought my self to hospital and let the nurses put the infusion on me, then I called Dan to come and bring me things I needed.
Aku bercerita seperti ini bukan ingin bilang dirawat di rumah sakit itu gampang dan enak. Sama sekali ngga gampang, termasuk soal biaya. Dan sama sekali ngga enak. Sakit itu sudah ngga enak. Dirawat di rumah sakit lebih ngga enak. Kebosanan adalah penderitaan kedua setelah rasa sakit itu sendiri. Makanya jangan sakit, jaga kesehatan. Kesehatan adalah kekayaan yang tak terkira *yayaya... aku juga sedang mengingatkan diriku sendiri*
I'm telling this, not to say that being in hospital is easy and enjoyable. It is not easy at all, especially when it comes to cost. And not comfortable at all. Being sick is bad enough, even without staying. Get bored is the second misery after the illness. That's why, don't be sick. Take care of our health. Health is one of the biggest treasure... *yes I am reminding my self...*
Pagi ini aku membesuk anak seorang teman. Bayi enam bulan. Ada sesuatu di paru-parunya. Di tangannya dipasang infus. Di duburnya dipasang kateter. Mukanya pucat. Tubuhnya lemah. Matanya redup, lelah habis menangis. Masih ada sisa air mata mengering di ujung matanya. Kusentuh diam saja. Kuelus cuma berkedip. Kuajak bicara tidak bersuara.
This morning I was visiting a friend's daughter. A six months old baby. There was some thing in her lungs. She had infusion on his hand, and catheter in her anus. Her face was pale. Her body was weak. Her eyes were dim, tired of crying. I could still a dried tear left in the corner of her eyes. I touched her and she stayed still. I rubbed her and she just blinked. I talked to her but she gives no sound.
Sumpah. Melihat dia menderita itu juga penderitaan. Kita yang tua bisa bilang mana yang sakit. Bisa mengerti kalau harus nahan sakit ketika disuntik atau dipasang infus. Paham dan sabar jika memang harus terbaring lama untuk bisa sembuh. Tapi bayi bisa apa?
I swear. Watching her suffering was a suffer. We, grown ups, can tell which one hurts. We can understand to bear the pain when we need injections. We understand to be patient that we need to lay in bed for a while to get rid of. But what babies can do?,
Aku yakin, seandainya bisa, ibunya pasti mau mengambil alih semua rasa sakit yang dialami bayinya. Karena aku merasa begitu.
I believe if only she could, her mother would take over all the pain from her baby. Coz that's what I'm feeling
Kirim doa, kirimkan doa. Untuk semua bayi sakit di dunia. Semoga lekas sembuh. Dan berikan kesabaran kepada semua ibu mereka. Karena menunggui bayi sakit adalah lelah lahir batin...
Send your prayers, send our prayers. To all sick babies in the world. Get well. And give tons of patience to their mothers. Because taking care of sick babies is mentally and physically tiring...
Saturday, September 3, 2011
My sister has a great camera so we all depend on her for documentations. I didn't even shoot with my BB, which normally I would. But all the snapshots were gone, for the memory card was error :(
So thankful we took this picture with the other camera and at least we have the pict of the whole family...
Eid Mubarak, every one!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
He is my hero. My guidance. My teacher. He shows me directions. He is the one who taught me painting. He 's the best story teller. He's my inspiration. The answer to any questions. He's everything that flows in my blood.
It's breaking my heart watching him grow old losing his abilities one by one. Slowly losing sight, hearing, strength. It's cutting my throat hearing him saying, "I just hope that death comes to me before I become totally blind"
I know the time will come though still don't know when. And I hope we still have much time. Coz I'm not ready; and it's killing me; thinking about losing him...
So I'll just pray for his health. And hope he will not totally lose his sight...
I love you, Bapak.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Did I say it was my bracelet that comforts him?
I tried to put it on his wrist but he didn't like it. And I couldn't wear it again because I cut it short.
So I just put it away and thought it was a good idea not to let him have any specific comforting thing.
But I just found out few days ago, that, he found another comfy.
That BIG red blanket.
Ah. Let it be...Even if I will have to bring it when we need to sleep over at my parents this Eidl Fitri.
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Monday, August 8, 2011
God must had a reason to put our birthdays close to each other
And I see so many parts of me inside her
She's now a teen, and still I grow older
Yet some times I feel she's my mother
And I'm her naughty daughter
Happy (becoming) birthdays to us, dear
Forgive me for so many times still disappoint you.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
I don't let them do tae kwon do to fight. It is more as sport and self defence.
See that yellow belts Ar and Ir is wearing? It wasn't an abra kadabra to turn the white belt into yellow. It took a year of hardwork. Two weeks ago they passed the exam and they deserve the new belts.
Ibit just joined them and will have to wait until the time she can have a yellow belt. And by the time, Ar and Ir (hopefully) will have a stripe on their yellow belts.
You rock, kids!
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Saturday, July 9, 2011
Naik sepeda jengki, bahkan sepeda kumbang. Bukan sepeda memanjakan yang bisa dibikin ringan di tanjakan.
Dan matur dengan krama inggil...
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Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
I stayed having hot tea. Conversations. Smokes. Guitar. Violin. Friends. Songs.
At 11.30 I texted her, asking if she was done with the books. No replies. I called. The phone was off. I got panic. Horrible thoughts run through my head. What if... What if...
So I run to the library. Straight up to second floor where she usually sits. She's not there. Like my heart stopped beating. I checked the visitor book. Her name in the first number.
Slowly I went down and found her in the child books room reading comics.
"What's happened with your phone?"
"I turned it off. I didn't want to make any noise that might bother people..."
"Couldn't you just set it vibrate?"
"Ah... I should have..."
"Are you finish?"
"Uhm... One more hour?"
I gave her one more hour. I gave my self another cup of tea, and another waiting...
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Wednesday, June 22, 2011
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Thursday, June 16, 2011
Ai' itu terlambat tumbuh kembangnya. aku baru benar-benar menyadarinya ketika umurnya sudah 9 bulan. beratnya ngga nambah, jelas itu ngga normal. terlambat memang. anak umur 9 bulan harusnya sudah bisa duduk tegak. merangkak. atau berdiri berpegangan. Ai' belum bisa apa pun.
so I went to a doctor, a growth specialist. she told me many possibilities that may caused this late growth of Ai'. it was so horrible I couldn't stand not to cry. I almost got fainted I got out the doctor's room to get some air and breathe.
lalu aku mengajaknya konsultasi ke dokter spesialis tumbuh kembang anak. kata dokternya, ada banyak kemungkinan yang menyebabkan keterlambatan ini. kedengarannya mengerikan. aku ngga tahan waktu dengar dokter menjelaskan. nangis. mau pingsan. aku sampai lari keluar, cari udara segar.
Ai' was underweight. the first diagnose was he got TBC. and the worst was, he might has CMV that he got while in pregnancy. to make sure which one he was having, he needed to have some blood test, and X-ray, and mantoux test. that was the first filter.
berat badan Ai' kurang. diagnosa pertama dia kena TBC. diagnosa terburuk, dia kena CMV yang kemungkinan didapat sewaktu dia masih dalam kandungan. untuk meyakinkan mana yang dia idap, dia harus menjalani serangkaian tes darah, rontgen, dan tes mantoux.
positive. Ai' was having TBC. so we worked on that before doing a CT-scan, that might not be needed if TBC treatment brings developments. beside the treatment for the TBC, we give him a therapy for his motoric activity.
hasilnya positif. Ai' kena TBC. langkah pertama adalah penyembuhan TBC-nya. CT-scan untuk pembuktian CMV mungkin tidak diperlukan, kalau pengobatan ini berhasil memberi kemajuan. selain pengobatan rutin, Ai' juga diberi terapi untuk latihan motoriknya.
dulu dia 'berenang' kalau pengin ke mana-mana
di bulan pertama, terapi-nya dua kali seminggu. sekarang seminggu sekali. awalnya, menjalani terapi itu seperti siksaan. tapi setelah dia hapal dengan terapisnya, dia bisa menikmati. malah dia pikir itu main-main aja..
kami juga mengajaknya berenang. kalau ini masih kurang sering...
sekarang Ai' bisa duduk tegak cukup lama. bisa berdiri berpegangan meja, atau orang dewasa.
dan dia merangkak.
I know it is still too late for a 13 months baby. but it is better late than never. we will not stop giving him more stimulation to catch up the growth. wish us luck!
aku tahu, ini masih ketinggalan jauh untuk bayi 13 bulan. tapi mending telat daripada enggak sama sekali. kami tidak akan berhenti memberi stimulasi untuk mengejar ketertinggalan pertumbuhannya. doakan kami ya...
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