cinta yang tak bisa ditukar

Andai tanpa kutahu, atau pun jika kutahu, bayiku tertukar di rumah sakit ketika aku melahirkan; aku akan tetap mencintai bayi mana pun yang ada di tanganku.

Karena bayi cuma berhak dicintai. Cuma dicintai...



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Just Because... Doesn't Mean...

Dengan riwayat keterlambatan tumbuh kembangnya, aku sering mengerem diri dalam memperlakukannya. Misalnya ketika dia mau minum susu dengan dot, aku membaringkan dia pelan-pelan seperti bayi empat bulan, padahal tubuhnyua cukup kuat untuk didudukkan saja dan biar dia berbaring sendiri.

Dengan keterlambatan bicaranya, aku sering takut dia tidak paham apa-apa yang aku katakan. Maka aku bicara pelan, dan sangat membatasi jumlah kata dalam kalimat.

Yang paling parah adalah, aku menganggap dia belum paham banyak hal. Iya, aku siap untuk kemungkinan terburuk dari keterlambatan tumbuh kembangnya.

***

Beberapa minggu yang lalu aku mengajak Dek Aik dan Ibit ke suatu acara. Pulangnya, aku sengaja pura-pura mau membuka pintu mobil yang bukan mobil kami. Dia langsung meronta, tidak mau masuk. Aku pura-pura salah sampai tiga kali, dan dia selalu meronta. Ketika aku mendekati mobil kami, dia turun dan langsung memegang handle pintu, ingin membukanya.

'Dia tahu, Mbak Ibit'
'Dek Aik lebih cerdas dari yang Ibu kira...'

I've underestimated him.
Sejak itu aku bicara padanya seperti kepada umumnya anak seumur dia.

***

Sore ini aku dan Dan mengajaknya makan di sebuah warung soto dekat rumah. Ketika sedang duduk menunggu pesanan, Dek Aik menarik tanganku mengajak jalan keluar. Aku ikuti maunya. Ke jalan, dan kemudian belok ke arah Indomaret. Iya, Dek Aik suka sekali masuk Indomaret. Tidak beli apa-apa. Hanya muter-muter melihat-lihat.

Dia mengenali jalan ini, dan tahu sekali arah yang harus diambil.

Kubilang, 'Bapak mosok ditinggal? Ayo kita ajak Bapak..'

Dia menurut berjalan balik ke warung. Pada saat itu pesanan sudah jadi.

Kubilang, 'Ibu makan dulu, nanti kita ke Indomaret. Adik duduk dulu, tunggu.'

Aku tarik satu kursi, dan dia naik sendiri, duduk sendiri. Menunggu.

Aku selesai makan dan mengambil gelas teh, mau minum. Dek Aik turun dari kursi, meraih tanganku dan mengajak pergi dari situ. Kubilang, 'Tunggu, Ibu minum dulu.' Dia terus menarik tanganku sambil protes (dengan kata-kata tak jelas).

Kurasa dia ingin bilang, 'tadi janjinya makan dulu lalu ke indomaret. Bukan makan lalu minum...'

I get it.
Just because he's not speaking (yet), doesn't mean he doesn't understands you speaking.
Just because he has a delayed development, doesn't mean he has a low intelligence.

***

It's like he's telling me: Mom, never underestimate your children.

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The Need

I knew it was too late when I realized that his development was delayed. But I'm glad I've consulted with the doctor and gave him the physiotherapy he needed. When he finally made his first steps on the age of 19 months, I don't want to think it was a miracle. It was his hard work.
Aku tahu, aku terlambat menyadari bahwa tumbuh kembangnya terlambat. Tapi aku senang aku sudah berkonsultasi ke doktor, dan membawanya ke klinik fisioterapi tumbuh kembang. Ketika akhirnya dia bisa berjalan di umur 19 bulan, aku tidak mau menganggapnya bukan mujizat. Itu hasil kerja kerasnya selama berbulan-bulan terapi.

Now that he's still not speaking, I know I have to do more, speech therapy.
Sekarang, karena dia belum bisa bicara, aku tahu masih ada yang harus dilakukan: terapi wicara.

***
Few weeks ago I heard a neighbor whispered to another one, saying that Dek Aik is an autism child. A whisper that was loud enough for any one around to hear. A whisper that was meant to be heard as a whisper. She said Dek Aik doesn't do eye contact and other bla bla bla. It didn't hurt me at all, really. I just didn't understand why this person had to speak behind me, and did not talk straight to me. Especially when I my self never felt so. Dek Aik looks at my eyes. He listens to me when I talk. If my baby was an autism, I would take and face it, then I would know what I should do. And it is better to find and act earlier.
Beberapa waktu yang lalu aku mendengar seorang tetangga berbisik kepada tetangga yang lain, mengatakan bahwa Dek Aik adalah anak autis. Bisikan yang lumayan keras. Bisikan yang sengaja ingin didengar oleh orang lain di sekitarnya. Katanya, Dek Aik tidak melakukan kontak mata, dan bla bla bla. Sumpah, aku sama sekali ngga sakit hati. Aku heran aja, kenapa dia harus ngomong di belakangku, dan bukan langsung bicara padaku saja. Apalagi aku tidak merasa mendapati apa yang dia katakan. Dek Aik masih melihat mataku, dan mendengar aku bicara. Kalau memang bayiku autis, ya aku akan terima keadaan itu. Jadi aku tahu harus bagaimana. Dan lebih baik menemukan dan bertindak lebih dini.

It wasn't that I was not aware. I mean, after the delayed development we found, I have looked closer to many possibilities. I followed carefully every time @justsilly tweets about autism. She has autism children and a lot to share about it. I also asked the physiotherapist about the possibility if Dek Aik was one. She works with many autism children too and I believe she knows better than I do.
Aku bukannya ngga peduli. Sejak keterlambatan tumbuh kembang yang terdeteksi ketika Dek Aik berumur 9 bulan itu, aku memperhatikan kemungkinan lain. Aku selalu mengikuti dengan seksama setiap kali @justsilly nge-twit soal autism. Dia punya anak autis, dan dengan demikian, banyak juga pengalaman yang bisa dibagi. Aku juga bertanya kepada fisioterapistnya tentang kemungkinan bahwa Dek Aik adalah anak autis. Bagaimana pun dia juga banyak bekerja dengan anak-anak autis, dan aku yakin dia tahu cukup banyak tentang ini. 

As long as my observation according to Silly's tweets, as just a mother with minimal knowledge about autism, I didn't find any signs Silly mentions. And so did the Physiotherapist. She said it was just a delayed speaking. And what I need to find was why, and do the right thing about it.
Sejauh yang kuperhatikan sebagai ibu awam, dicocok-cocokkan dengan twitnya Silly, aku tidak menemukan tanda-tanda anak autism yang disebutkan. Begitu juga fisioterapistnya Dek Aik. Katanya, Dek Aik memang terlambat bicara. Yang perlu diketahui adalah penyebabnya, sehingga bisa diberikan tindakan yang tepat.

In another time I talked to a friend who works with children with special needs, Prima. I told her what my neighbor  said about Dek Aik. She looked at Dek Aik and convinced me it wasn't autism. Then she suggested me to come to a clinic for children with special needs she once worked at.
Pada waktu yang lain aku berbincang dengan seorang teman yang banyak membantu anak-anak berkebutuhan khusus. Menurut pengamatannya, Dek Aik bukan autis. Lalu dia menyarankan aku untuk datang ke klinik untuk anak berkebutuhan khusus, tempat dulu dia pernah bekerja.

So I went to the clinic and let the therapist see Dek Aik.  And listen to what she said. My baby pays good attention. He has good eye contact. The delayed speaking was the following of the delayed motoric development. We are on the line to start the therapy next month. Mean while, it is a good idea to bring Dek Aik to a pre school, just to make him interact to more children of his age.
Aku membawa Dek Aik ke klinik itu. Ini kata terapistnya: Dek Aik mau memperhatikan, kontak matanya bagus. Keterlambatan bicaranya adalah lanjutan dari keterlambatan motoriknya. Terapi untuk Dek Aik dijadwalkan dimulai bulan depan. Sambil menunggu, akan bagus jika Dek Aik dimasukkan ke preschool, agar dia bisa lebih banyak berinteraksi dengan anak seusianya.

***

Well, may be Dek Aik didn't pay attention and didn't look to that neighbor of mine's eyes because he thought she doesn't deserve his attention and eye contact. And I don't need to listen to whatever she said, any more.
Well, mungkin Dek Aik tidak mau memperhatikan dan kontak mata dengan tetanggaku itu, karena merasa ngga perlu. Dan kurasa aku juga tidak perlu mendengarkan apa pun yang dikatakan orang itu lagi.

I always want to know what my baby needs, and try to give the best I can, though my best may not be good enough...
Aku selalu ingin tahu apa yang dibutuhkan bayiku, memberi yang terbaik yang aku bisa, meskipun mungkin belum cukup baik...

the progress

I've brought Ai' from the former therapist to another one that has more equipments for the therapy.

The first session was fine. The next session was teary. Ai' cried along the exercise, but we didn't stop. In the last therapy we did, he laughed a lot instead of crying. That was good; coz I never liked seeing him crying until coughed and choked.





Every hard work gives results. And so does Ai's. He now dare to walk holding only on one hand. Soon (I hope) he will let go and have enough confidence, strength and balance to walk on his own feet; then run and play around.

Sindroma Anak Bungsu

The Youngest Child Syndrome


 

Ini chat aku dan mbakku, sesaat setelah dia melihat foto ini di gambar profileku.
Dia: akhirnya, kelihatan seperti anak setahun
Aku: padahal sebenarnya satu setengah tahun
Dia: oya? lupa, sori
Aku: gapapa, di mataku dia masih 9 bulan
Dia: sindrom anak bungsu
Aku: opal (opal adalah bungsunya yang berumur 9 tahun) masih 5 tahun ya?
Dia: tiga.

This is a chat of me with my sister, after she saw this as my profile picture
Her: finally, he looks like a year old boy
Me: but he's one and half
Her: really? I forgot, sorry
Me: never mind, he's 9 months in my eyes
Her: youngest child syndrome
Me: Opal (her 9 yrs youngest boy) is five, huh?
Her: three.

***

Mungkin memang begitu ya, anak bungsu selalu jadi bayi sampai kapan pun. Perlakuan Bapak-Ibu kepada kami anak-anaknya relatif sama, tidak terasa pilih kasih dalam hal apa pun. Tapi memang cukup terasa perlakuan Ibu-ku kepada adik bungsu kami beda. Perhatian Ibu kepadanya, sedikit lebih, jika dibandingkan dengan kepada kami, kakak-kakaknya.
Tapi itu tidak membuat kami cemburu. Setidaknya aku tidak merasa begitu. Dan kurasa saudara-saudaraku yang lain juga maklum saja. Dasar bungsu. Begitu saja.


Maybe that's the way should be. Youngest child always be baby forever. My parents treat us their children relatively the same. We never feel they love any child more than any other. But we can't deny that our mother's attention to our youngest brother, is more than to us the elder children.
However it never makes us jealous. At least I never felt so. And I think my siblings never do either. We just understand it, ah youngest. That's all.

Sampai lebih dari enam tahun, aku tidak punya anak bungsu, yang benar-benar bungsu. Aku cuma punya sulung, dan dua anak kembar yang tidak bisa dibilang mana yang bungsu, karena mereka lahir bareng (ya... selisih enam menit sih). Jadi tidak ada 'bayi' di mataku. Sampai Ai' lahir. Dia (insya Allah) benar-benar bungsu. Dan memang, sampai dia usia sembilan bulan, di mataku dia masih enam bulan. Itu sebab aku terlambat menyadari keterlambatan pertumbuhan dan perkembangannya. Sekarang usianya hampir 17 bulan. Perkembangannya sudah lebih baik, meskipun masih tertinggal dibanding anak seusianya. Percaya atau tidak. Aku masih harus berusaha keras menanamkan di kepalaku, bahwa usianya sudah segitu. Karena di mataku dia bayi sembilan bulan...

For over six years, I didn't have a youngest child, a real youngest child. I only had the eldest, and a set of twin which I can call either one the youngest. I mean, they were born at the same time (with six minutes delay, yes). So there was no 'baby' in my eyes. Until there was Ai'.He (hopefully) will really be my youngest child. And it was true, until he was nine months old, I saw him as a six months baby. That is why it was too late for me to realize his delayed development. Now he's almost 17 months. His development is much better though still delayed, compared to other babies of his age. Believe it or not. I need to always remind my self that he's 17. 'Coz he's nine in my eyes...

Kurasa aku memang mengidap sindroma itu. Sindroma Anak Bungsu. Dan Ai' mungkin akan jadi bayiku selamanya. Semoga tidak membuatku mengesampingkan kakak-kakaknya.

I think I'm having it, Youngest Child Syndrome. And perhaps, Ai' will always be my baby. I hope it won't make me put his siblings aside.

The Sickies

Tuhan pasti punya alasan, mendekatkan keluarga kami dengan rumah sakit. Seingatku, sejak aku masih kecil, seluruh keluarga pernah dirawat inap di rumah sakit. Bahkan ketika aku lahir, kedua kakakku juga sedang dirawat di rumah sakit. Ibu, sedang melahirkan aku. Bapak menunggui kami semua. Ya, jadinya semua pindah tidur ke rumah sakit. Bapak pernah hampir pasrah jika harus kehilangan Ibu, ketika Ibu dirawat sampai berbulan-bulan. Dua adikku pernah balapan melewati masa kritis karena malaria. Kami anak-anak perempuan, semua pernah dioperasi.

God must have a reason to put our family close to hospital. As I recall, since I was little, every one in my family has been treated in hospital. Even when I was born, my sisters were both in hospital. So was my mom, giving me birth. And my dad, taking care of us all. It was like our family moved to the hospital. My Dad once like giving up to lose my mom when she had to stay for months. Both my younger brother once together racing with critical time cause of malaria. We, the girls, all had surgery.

Karena saking seringnya anggota keluarga kami masuk rumah sakit, hal itu seperti menjadi hal yang biasa, walau kami tidak menyukainya. Tidak ada kepanikan. Tahu apa yang harus disiapkan. Siap dengan segala kemungkinan -- termasuk cari hutangan untuk biaya perawatan...

Because it was to often happened, being in hospital was like a normal thing, tho we never liked it. No panic. Knew what to do. Ready for every possibility -- including to owe money to pay the hospital.

Pun ketika Ibit harus dirawat, Dan awalnya panik. Tapi melihat aku tenang, dia pun ikut tenang. Ketika aku harus opname pun, Dan akhirnya tahu apa yang harus dilakukan tanpa jadi panik. Aku bahkan pernah datang sendiri ke rumah sakit, membiarkan diri diharuskan rawat inap. Baru setelah infus terpasang dan aku agak tenang, aku menghubungi Dan untuk datang membawa perlengkapan sehari-hari.

Like when Ibit needed to stay at hospital, Dan was panic at the beginning. But seeing me calm has made him calm too. When one day it was me who needed to stay at hospital, Dan knew exactly what to do and prepare. Once I brought my self to hospital and let the nurses put the infusion on me, then I called Dan to come and bring me things I needed.

Aku bercerita seperti ini bukan ingin bilang dirawat di rumah sakit itu gampang dan enak. Sama sekali ngga gampang, termasuk soal biaya. Dan sama sekali ngga enak. Sakit itu sudah ngga enak. Dirawat di rumah sakit lebih ngga enak. Kebosanan adalah penderitaan kedua setelah rasa sakit itu sendiri. Makanya jangan sakit, jaga kesehatan. Kesehatan adalah kekayaan yang tak terkira *yayaya... aku juga sedang mengingatkan diriku sendiri*

I'm telling this, not to say that being in hospital is easy and enjoyable. It is not easy at all, especially when it comes to cost. And not comfortable at all. Being sick is bad enough, even without staying. Get bored is the second misery after the illness. That's why, don't be sick. Take care of our health. Health is one of the biggest treasure... *yes I am reminding my self...*

***

Pagi ini aku membesuk anak seorang teman. Bayi enam bulan. Ada sesuatu di paru-parunya. Di tangannya dipasang infus. Di duburnya dipasang kateter. Mukanya pucat. Tubuhnya lemah. Matanya redup, lelah habis menangis. Masih ada sisa air mata mengering di ujung matanya. Kusentuh diam saja. Kuelus cuma berkedip. Kuajak bicara tidak bersuara.

This morning I was visiting a friend's daughter. A six months old baby. There was some thing in her lungs. She had infusion on his hand, and catheter in her anus. Her face was pale. Her body was weak. Her eyes were dim, tired of crying. I could still a dried tear left in the corner of her eyes. I touched her and she stayed still. I rubbed her and she just blinked. I talked to her but she gives no sound.

Sumpah. Melihat dia menderita itu juga penderitaan. Kita yang tua bisa bilang mana yang sakit. Bisa mengerti kalau harus nahan sakit ketika disuntik atau dipasang infus. Paham dan sabar jika memang harus terbaring lama untuk bisa sembuh. Tapi bayi bisa apa?

I swear. Watching her suffering was a suffer. We, grown ups, can tell which one hurts. We can understand to bear the pain when we need injections. We understand to be patient that we need to lay in bed for a while to get rid of. But what babies can do?,

Aku yakin, seandainya bisa, ibunya pasti mau mengambil alih semua rasa sakit yang dialami bayinya. Karena aku merasa begitu.

I believe if only she could, her mother would take over all the pain from her baby. Coz that's what I'm feeling

Kirim doa, kirimkan doa. Untuk semua bayi sakit di dunia. Semoga lekas sembuh. Dan berikan kesabaran kepada semua ibu mereka. Karena menunggui bayi sakit adalah lelah lahir batin...

Send your prayers, send our prayers. To all sick babies in the world. Get well. And give tons of patience to their mothers. Because taking care of sick babies is mentally and physically tiring...

The Comfort

Did I say it was my bracelet that comforts him?

I tried to put it on his wrist but he didn't like it. And I couldn't wear it again because I cut it short.

So I just put it away and thought it was a good idea not to let him have any specific comforting thing.

But I just found out few days ago, that, he found another comfy.

That BIG red blanket.

Ah. Let it be...Even if I will have to bring it when we need to sleep over at my parents this Eidl Fitri.






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the world

All he knows is I am all he's got.
I don't mind ruining my world but not his.

Water bed

This is what I call water bed...
Ini baru namanya kasur air...


we were swimming, all of six of us. I was doing my 10 laps of 20m while Dan keeping Ai'. Ibit and Ar and Ir were good enough to swim by them selves.
the plan was, I finish my laps then get a shower then take Ai' out. but when I came back from the shower I found Ai' sleeping, with his neck ring on. Dan said we better let him sleep for a while. coz we think just starting sleeping and being awaken will give headache. so we let him sleep for about half an hour. he was okay when I finally waken him.


kemaren itu kami pergi berenang, berenam. aku berenang 10 lap 20 meteran, Dan jagain Ai'. Ibit dan Ar dan Ir sudah bisa dilepas berenang sendiri.
rencananya, setelah selesai lap-ku aku mandi, trus mandiin Ai'. tapi waktu aku balik dari mandi, Ai'nya tidur,  masih pake ban leher. kata Dan biarin aja dulu. kalo baru tidur sebentar trus dibangunin tu bikin pusing, takutnya Ai' malah rewel. jadi baru setelah setengah jam, aku bangunin dan mandiin dia. ga rewel tuh.

the (not) conjoined twins

I can't tell how grateful I am to have these miracles in my life
aku tidak bisa mengatakan betapa bersyukurnya aku memiliki dua keajaiban ini dalam hidupku

when I was having my pregnancy of Ar and Ir, I didn't have USG until week 16. I felt my tummy was too big for the age of the pregnancy. I was worried if there was something wrong, so I checked out. I move from midwife to doctor.
waktu hamil Ar Ir, aku belum USG sampai umur kehamilan 16 minggu. aku merasa perutku gede banget, untuk umur segitu. aku khawatir ada apa apa. makanya aku periksa. aku pindah dari bidan ke dokter.

I still remember the first thing the doctor said.
'they have separated bag, that is good. so we know they are not conjoined'
aku masih ingat hal pertama yang dikatakan dokter
'kantongnya terpisah, jadi kita bisa yakin mereka bukan kembar siam' 

so that's why it was bigger than my pregnancy of Ibit, at the same age. I was shocked. I wasn't ready. it took time for me to take the reality that I was having twin babies...
jadi itu sebabnya perutku lebih besar dari ketika hamil Ibit pada usia kehamilan yang sama. aku shock. butuh waktu untuk bisa menerima kenyataan, bahwa aku hamil bayi kembar...

***

this afternoon I went to Karyadi Hospital to see a set of conjoined twin - Sanaya and Isnaya. their parents are not my family. not my friend. I don't even know them. I just know them from the newspaper. but the news about them have pulled my sympathy. they are not rich family who can easily afford a surgery to separate the twin. 
siang ini aku ke Rumah Sakit Karyadi menjenguk sepasang bayi kembar siam, Sanaya dan Isnaya. orang tuanya bukan saudaraku. bukan temanku. kenal juga enggak. cuma tahu tentang mereka dari koran. tapi berita tentang mereka bikin aku trenyuh. mereka bukan keluarga mampu yang bisa dengan mudah membiayai operasi pemisahan bayi mereka.


the time I entered the gate my heart was beating faster. when I entered the building my eyes started watering. when I entered the room I found my self hard to breathe. but when I saw them I was so glad. the look beautiful and all right.
waktu masuk gerbang rumah sakit aku berdebar kencang. waktu masuk gedung matau mulai panas mau nangis. waktu masuk ruangan rasanya sesak napas. tapi ketika aku melihat mereka rasanya lega. mereka cantik dan baik-baik saja.

I wanted to hold and carry them but don't know how. so I just saw their mother change their diapers and carry them gently. I wanted to take a picture but it is not allowed. I had to see the PR to get a permission. but I don't think it is important. the most important thing is I know they are healthy and will be ready for surgery in a few months --- and live a normal life.
pengen nggendong, tapi bingung bagaimana caranya. jadi aku lihatin saja ibu mereka mengganti popok dan menggendong. pengen moto tapi dilarang. boleh sih, tapi harus minta ijin bagian humas. ribet. ga penting. yang penting aku tahu bahwa mereka sehat dan akan siap untuk dioperasi dalam beberapa bulan --- lalu menjalani hidup dengan normal.










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(I grabbed the picture of Sanaya and Isnaya from this web)

the clue

[tanda]


that small red spot is the clue that Ai' is having TBC. I really have no idea where he got it from.
now he needs to swallow medicine every day, for the next six months. it definitely no fun at all. but if that's what it takes, that's what I'll give.
bintik merah kecil itu adalah tanda bahwa Ai' terkena TBC. aku ngga tahu dari mana dapatnya. sekarang dia harus minum obat rutin tiap hari, selama enam bulan. bukan hal menyenangkan. tapi kalau memang harus dilakukan ya bagaimana lagi.

mean while we will continue the medical rehabilitation and see the development in a month.
sembari terus minum obat, Ai' juga akan terus menjalani rehab medik, dan melihat perkembangaannya sebulan mendatang.

I can breathe now, for a while.
aku boleh bernapas sekarang, sementara.

the blame

would be me
for not taking care of him well during my pregnancy
and it's not enough just saying I'm sorry...

he must have a blood test for thyroid, a mantoux test, and a rontgen for thorax. he might even need a CT scan...
we will be seeing the doctor next tuesday. and I hope every thing is going to be just fine.......

.

don't tell me this is not cute

unless you can give a better word

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ab crunch and hamstring exercise with Ai'

latihan untuk paha atas dan otot perut bawah bersama Ai' :D

baby and daddy

I always hope there is a strong tie between fathers and sons. as strong as the ties I have built between me and my children, years before I go back to working world. it is sad to find that we spend most of our time working then being with our family. but however, I keep trying to optimize the family time we have.

Dan works six days a week, from 08.00 am to whenever he needs to go home. no, it doesn't mean he can go home any time he wants. it means he can only go home when the work is done, and it can be anytime, late, over the working hours.

I, and my children, some times protest his in-existence. spending more time out there than being with family. he goes out every morning, at the same time my children go to school. he come home at night, often when my children are all already go to bed.

I have made some conditions to make Dan 'have to' interact with the children. for example, I used to give some money to my children every Monday. now I make Dan do it. some times he forgot and just goes to work like that. so my children ask me for the money. and I said, "that's Bapak's part. you ask him."

but with baby Ai', I can not do that. baby Ai' still don't know any thing about money :D

I still want my baby to interact with Dan. so some times I pushed Dan to sit down and put Ai' on his arms. not because I have to do something else, or because I'm tired carrying him. I just want him to be with his father.

well I hope it'll work. and as the baby grows up, I need to find more ways for us to keep connected each other...

big one little one

I and my sister in law Lin, had babies in only 18 days apart. mine, Ai, was born 2,5 kgs while Lin's baby Nara was 2,8.
aku dan iparku Lin punya bayi hanya selisih 18 hari. bayiku, Ai', terlahir 2,5kg sedangkan bayi Liln, Nara 2,8.
this week I visit my parents and have a chance to spend some time with them, as my kids are having long holiday and I am still off from work..
minggu ini aku mengunjungi orang tuaku dan berkesempatan menghabiskan waktu bersama mereka, mumpung anak-anak lagi liburan sekolah dan aku juga masih cuti.



now look at them, Nara 6weeks and Ai' 4weeks. Nara has grown up to 6kgs while Ai' is now 3,5kgs. funny to see how two babies in an (almost) same age are being in so different sizes. I'm so jealous about Nara's progress in gaining weight. well, Ai' has reached the standard weight at least. but still he looks so tiny beside Nara!
lihat deh, Nara 6minggu dan Ai' 4minggu. Nara sudah 6kg dan Ai' sekarang 3,5kg. lucu rasanya melihat bayi yang seumuran tapi ukurannya beda banget. aku iri dengan penambahan berat badan Nara. lumayan sih, Ai' sudah mencapai berat badan standar. tapi tetep aja keliatan kecil banget kalau dijejerin Nara!


Hosted by Cecily

the facts - a note seven days after.

Fakta-fakta - sebuah catatan setelah tujuh hari.

I'm not in the mood of being sentimental. I just want to talk facts.
aku sedang tidak mood being sentimental. aku mau bicara fakta saja.

@Fact 1: Dek Ai' was delivered after exactly 40weeks pregnancy and over 14 hours struggling.
Fact 2: Was so tiny, 5,5 lbs and 19 inches.
Fact 3: Succeeded early initiation within 30 minutes.

Fakta 1: Dek Ai lahir setelah kehamilan selama 40 minggu, dan 14 jam perjuangan di ruang bersalin.
Fakta 2: Kecil, cuma 2,4 kg dan 48 cm.
Fakta 3: Berhasil dalam Inisiasi Menyusui Dini di 30 menit setelah kelahirannya.



Fact 4: He was, and still yellow due to Icterus, high bilirubin in his blood. Therefore he needs extra sunbathing every morning, and much maternity milk flowing -- to gain weight and rinse the bilirubin along with the pee.
Fakta 4: Tubuhya kuning karena Icterus, kandungan bilirubin yang tinggi dalam darah. Karenanya dia butuh dijemur tiap pagi, dan banyak minum ASI -- untuk menambah berat badan dan menggelontor bilirubinnya keluar bersama urine.


Fact 5: As the doctor told me, a yellow baby sleeps a lot, over 18 hours a day. I need to wake him up every other hour to breastfeeding.
Fakta 5: Seperti kata dokter, bayi kuning banyak tidur, lebih dari 18 jam sehari. Aku harus membangunkannya tiap 2 jam untuk menyusui.


Fact 6: He is now 7 days old, and like I've always wished and my every prayer, I wish for his health.
Fact 7: I'm just a mother, who has found him as my new reason to live. And I'll do the best I can, that's all I can do.

Fakta 6: Sekarang Dek Ai' sudah 7 hari, dan seperti yang selalu aku mohon dalam doa, aku memohon untuk kesehatannya.
Fakta 7: Aku cuma seorang ibu, yang mendapatinya sebagai alasan baru bagiku untuk hidup. Aku akan memberikan yang terbaik yang aku bisa, hanya itu yang aku bisa.




Hosted by Cecily and Krista

the little guy

I am not a patient girl. nothing happens on my due date drove me crazy. I didn't want to be induce or have C-section. then I did crazy thing that I thought would give me contraction.
aku bukan gadis penyabar. tidak terjadi apa-apa di HPL bikan aku senewen. aku ga mau diinduksi apalagi operasi. lalu aku melakukan hal-hal gila, yang aku pikir bisa merangsang kontraksi

I swept the whole house's floor (well it is a small house anyway :P)
I cleaned the bath room
I walked 2 kilo meters in the morning, and again in the afternoon
aku ngepel seluruh rumah (halah, rumah kecil ding :P)
aku nyikat kamar mandi
aku jalan 2 kilo di pagi hari, dan lagi sore harinya
I wanted to walk around every floor in the biggest mall in the city but Dan thought it was too crazy he could not tolerate.
aku mau jalan-jalan keliling tiap lantai di mal paling besar di semarang, tapi ga boleh sama Dan.

I don't know if those worked, or there was any other reasons. I got contraction and about 9 pm I went to hospital. until 7 am (GOD, ten hours!) there was no progress, my contraction stood still, even weakening. I didn't want but I needed a little induction to fix the contraction. at 8 am they put it in, and alhamdulillah at 9.10 am, this little guy says hello to me.
ngga tahu apakah itu hasil usahaku atau ada sebab lain. akhirnya aku dapat kontraksi dan jam 9 malam masuk rumah sakit. sampai jam 7 pagi (Ya Tuhan, sepuluh jam!) tidak ada kemajuan. kontraksiku bukannya nambah malah melemah. aku tidak ingin tapi harus diberi induksi untuk memperbaiki kontraksi. jam delapan infus dipasang, dan alhamdulillah jam 09.10, lelaki ganteng ini berteriak menyapaku

world, Dek Ai'
dunia, Dek Ai'


*we haven't find a name but we already have that nick name.
*belum nemu nama panjang, pokoknya panggilanannya begitu

******
this has been the biggest toot of the week. so I'm joining

The Gift - God is Humorous

Hosted by Cecily and Linds

I stayed awake till almost midnight, having this imaginairy conversation.
aku ngga tidur sampai hampir tengah malam, terlibat percakapan khayalan ini:

Is this a joke? (I asked)
No it is not
Why are you giving me this?
Because I have to
Why do you have to?
Because you wanted this
I never asked for this
You don't have to ask to tell Me what you want. I always know, and you know that

ini guyon?
bukan
kenapa aku diberi ini?
karena harus
kenapa harus?
karena kamu ingin
aku ngga pernah minta ini
memang. tapi kamu kan ngga perlu bilang apa yang kamu mau. Aku selalu tahu. kamu tahu itu

yeah, right. I said I have had enough. I didn't want more. But deep down inside I wanted God to laugh at me and speak: you can say you don't want more. but I do. and there is nothing you can do to prevent me from giving you more, when I want to.
I thought I have prepared my self for this since Ar-Ir was six. still I found myself not that ready though. but this good friend of mine told me, I still have nine months to get ready. well, ready or not it will come to me, and I will have to be ready.
iya. memang aku bilang sudah cukup, aku ngga mau lagi. tapi sebenarnya jauuuuuuuuuuuuuh di dalam lubuk hati yang hampir tak terjamah, aku berharap Dia tertawakan aku lalau berkata: terserah kalau kamu ngga mau lagi. Aku masih mau nambah lagi. dan kamu bisa apa kalau Aku berkehendak memberimu?
kupikir aku sudah mempersiapkan diri untuk ini sejak Ar Ir berumur enam tahun. nyatanya aku belum begitu siap. tapi temanbaikku ini bilang, aku masih punya sembilan bulan untuk menyiapkan diri. siap tidak siap memang harus siap. waktunya akan tiba.

one bag. still can not see how many babies inside. needs couple more weeks to find out. wish me luck *sigh*

I never really liked condoms anyway. and I'm glad that I don't have to deal with it for the next (at least) nine months.
pada dasarnya aku memang ngga terlalu suka kondom. jadi kupikir asik juga, aku ngga perlu berurusan dengan benda itu untuk (paling tidak) sembilan bulan ke depan

thanks. you are funny ya Allah, you really are
I'm pretty humorous if you know Me, actually

terima kasih. Kau lucu ya Allah, benar-benar lucu
Aku ini humoris sebenarnya, kalau kamu cukup mengenalKu


so I slept through the rest of the night, in God's warm embrace, peacefully...
aku pun tertidur lelap menghabiskan sisa malam, damai dalam pelukan hangatNya...