Ibit 'slapped' me, again

I read some where about moms who have new born baby. they were to busy taking care of the newborn and ignore their older children. I'm glad you don't do so
aku pernah baca tentang ibu-ibu yang punya bayi. dia sibuk mengurus bayinya yang baru lahir dan mengabaikan kakak si bayi. aku senang ibu ngga gitu'

***

that's now.
itu sekarang.

I confess. when my twin were born, I ignored Ibit -- though I didn't mean to. I spend most of my time for the twins, and less for Ibit. I demanded Ibit to take care of her self when she was still three years old. I yelled at her for things shouldn't be yelled at.
aku ngaku dosa. dulu jaman kembar lahir, aku mengabaikan Ibit -- walau sama sekali tidak bermaksud begitu. waktuku tercurah ngurusin bayi kembar dan sedikit banget untuk Ibit. aku menuntut Ibit yang belum genap tiga tahun untuk mandiri. memarahi untuk hal-hal yang tidak seharusnya disebut kesalahan.

I remember she slammed the door because she said some thing but I didn't pay attention. may be after three years later, I realized the mistake I've done. too late I know. but as soon as that I tried to pay. I support every obsession she has, fulfill every hope. hard, as she is a perfectionist. maybe not enough but I try my best.
aku ingat dia membanting pintu karena tidak kugubris permintaannya. mungkin baru setelah kembar berumur tiga tahunan, aku menyadari bahwa aku hutang banyak perhatian untuk dicurahkan ke putriku itu. telat banget, I know. tapi aku sesegera itu berusaha membayar. mendukung setiap obsesinya, berusaha memenuhi setiap harapannya. sulit, karena dia perfeksionis. mungkin belum cukup, tapi aku berusaha.

***

I used to do so, when your twin brothers were born
dulu Ibu begitu, waktu adik kembarmu baru lahir


I don't remember
aku tidak ingat

you were so young. but I do remember (and my regrets still goes on...)
kamu masih kecil. tapi Ibu ingat (nyeselnya belum ilang, dan ga bisa dibayar, nak...)

why are you not like that now? you still take care of me and Ar Ir although you are busy with dek Ai'
kenapa sekarang ngga begitu? Ibu tetep ngurusi kakak-kakak meskipun repot ngurusin dek Ai'

because now I know I was wrong. I don't want to do the same mistake. beside, you and Ar Ir are big kids now. you all are so clever helping me taking care of dek Ai'. so I still have much time for you big brothers and sister.
karena sekarang Ibu tahu dulu Ibu salah. ngga mau begitu lagi. lagian, kakak-kakak sudah besar, pinter bantuin Ibu ngurusin dek Ai' jadi Ibu tetep ada waktu ngurusin kakak-kakak...

***

I still don't know how to thank Ibit...
ga tahu deh bagaimana harus berterima kasih ke Ibit...


she always find a way to cheer up herself. like this picture, what do you think she was doing?
dia selalu punya cara untuk menghibur diri sendiri. seperti foto ini, menurutmu dia sedang apa?