Friday, August 8, 2008

comparation (part 2)

generally.. (basically?)
What are the differences between twin and not?

I always considered Ar Ir as two brothers who were happening to come out to this world in 6 minutes delay. That's why I never bought them the same clothes. Always different color for the same style, or same color for different style, or different at all. I'm glad that now they choose what they like, and never think that they have to always wear the same. Sounds like a little unimportant thing, but it is to me. I see most twins wear 'uniforms' until they are grown up. I'm not saying that it is wrong, but it is just not how I wanted my twins to be.

Yes I can not deny there is a special bond between them, tied tighter than to their sister. It is so normal I guess. They've been sleeping in the same 'bed' since they were zygots....

twin bed don't work for them

first night




couple nights after



What I talked about in Part 1 were all about technical things, which basically means, taking care of twins requires twice energy than you need if you take care just one baby. And it's normal. I mean, there are two babies there, right? (I can not imagine the triplet or more...)

The hardest thing, that I never found in Ibit was, the fighting. Who would Ibit fight with? She was alone, she even wanted to share things with some one. Ar-Ir always fight over things, even a piece of leave. And they still do now. I guess it isn't about the things, it seems like fighting is a part of their games.

But in other side, they are not separable (is it a right word?). They always feel like something is missing when they can not see each other. And this is my biggest challenge, not to make them depend on each other too much. I made a progress, by succeeding put them in different classes at school. I'm thinking about putting them in different school, next year when they enroll elementary school. But it sounds so mean...

I spent much more private time with my eldest Ibit. Almost 24 hours a day everyday, until the twin were born. With the twin, I could no longer give them that much. I have to share my attention to three kids. This one is a regret I will never be able to pay: I ignored Ibit in Ar Ir's first 2 years, the boys took almost all my attention.

The other regret is, that I don't teach my twin as much thing as I gave Ibit in their age now. Ibit is like a star. She learned (and always wants to learn more) everything so quickly and amazingly. Ar Ir never asked me 'Ibu, I want to be able to read', or 'Ibu, teach me how to play keyboard'. All they do, and what they are interested in, is play and play. Is it because they are boys? Is it because they are twin who have always play together even since they couldn't move from their bed? Or is it because I don't have much time to spend with them?

Now that I'm a working mom, I have less time for my kids, and it makes things worse.

I know I'm not a perfect mother, I'm too far from that. And I might do mistakes raising my twins, but so far this is what I think is right. And this is one other reason why I made this blog (beside because I like to write and tell stories), and go blog walking to those mom's site who have twins. I want to learn more about having twin.

Raising twin is so different from single. I can feel it. But some things are indescribable. Tell me your experience...

4 comments:

Are You Serious! said...

♥ It's so true! I spent a ton of time with Emma and her learning then I had the twins and she kind of got set to the side. It's so hard to keep that balance. The same thing happens with teaching the twins as much as I was able to with Emma. I can relate to everything you've said! :)

angie said...

This is so great Latree! I've found so many of the same things to be true. That first year especially was really hard for me in terms of trying to spend time with all of my children. The twins were just so time consuming in all the care they required. I also don't dress my twins alike, but it is fun occasionally. I usually don't even put them in a coordinating outfit. John cares what he wears, while Jacob doesn't care.

I love the pictures of the boys together on the bed even though they started out seperately. That's one thing my twins don't share in common like many other twins. They don't like sleeping together. :)

forgetfulone said...

I didn't have a "singleton" first, so I didn't have anything to compare the twins with. Mine are boy/girl twins, and they are either the best of friends or the worst of enemies. You know how they say babies don't really play WITH each other, only next to each other? My twins played WITH each other. They learn to share.

It is so much harder when they are little, but it gets better. Except now that they are older, they are going in different directions (her-piano, him-sports). I love having twins. We are lucky moms!

And yes, you are the perfect mom for Ir and Ar and Ibit.

Carrie and Troy Keiser said...

Twins are such a different experience from singletons. Having had 4 children before my twins, I have seen many differences. My older children are all so close together that is was very strange to have a 4 year gap {6 years since giving birth}. My two oldest are only 17 months apart, then its 28 months between the second and third children. Between child three and child 4 there are 20 months. I think Robby got the most attention because he is the only one who go to be the baby for 4 years. I think twins were hardest on him, he got displaced not just once but twice! I was amazed at just how much more time, energy and work two babies were. My days and nights were consumed with taking care of them. Good thing I had older kids to help out, or I don't know how things around the house would get done!
Scott and Em have a love hate relationship! Most of the time they love each other but there are the times is seems like they just enjoy picking on one another.
Yesterday, I wished I'd had the camera at church, they were sitting in their class and I was sitting in mine at the back of the room ... I couldn't hear what was going on, but all of the sudden Em put her arms around her brother and gave him a kiss. It was SO sweet! Another lady observed this and we shared a smile and a laugh over them.
Twins are a daily learning experience! {Sorry for writing a novel here in the comments!}