waiting

This is the translation for those who might want to know the story I've written in Indonesian. I’m sorry if I make mistakes writing it. And it might not sound beautiful. My goal is for you to know what the story about, that’s all. Enjoy.


Her agitation was rising up. Didn’t know how many times she sat, and stood up, and sat again, and stood up again. On the bed edge, in the living room, in the dining room. Walked to and from here and there. To the kitchen, back to her room. Turned on television and left it to look out the front window. Back to the room and turned off the TV, and sat again.

She looked at her hand phone. It didn’t ring. No calls, no messages. She checked it every five minutes. And off course still no calls. Because if there was, she would have heard the ring tone. She became doubtful, may be the phone is damaged. Slowly she opened the casing, and took the battery out. She cleaned up the chip, and put it back. Then she checked out again every five minutes, and still no calls nor messages.
She grabbed the novel she bought couple days ago. Some times reading can kill time. But some times it doesn’t help at all. Like that time. Her fingers have opened some pages, but then she realized that nothing has got into her head. Not even passed through. So she started to read again from the point she remembered. Again and again. But while her ayes were reading, her heart and mind are floating away…
She pierced at the clock on the south wall of the dining room, right where she was sitting. Why it felt like it didn’t move? Is it also damaged? So she looked at her watch. Exactly the same. And the time on the phone, is two minutes faster, it’s a forgivable deviation. So the clock is okay.

***
Dina realized who she is. Her position. Her condition. This was her choice, and she knew all the consequences.
Dina realized who is Juna. His position. His condition. And this was a part of her cohise too.
Juna has reminded her about this.
“I want to make sure you know the conditions”
“I know, Jun. I know everything”
“You need to more than knowing. You have to understand”
“I understand”
“And the choices, the consequences…”
“That also I understand, and I’ll face it.
Juna looked deep into the woman’s eyes. There were sadness, surrender, hopes, and abundant love. Dina looked into the man’s eyes. There were pity, protection, promises and indescribable affection.
“I only want you to be happy. If this will only make you suffer, I won’t do it”
“What made you think I will suffer? My happiness may not be perfect. But if you leave me, you’ll take it away from me, and there’ll be nothing left for me”

They never stopped communicating. Juna calls and sends messages every time. From jokes to moan. From seduction to anger. No… juna never gets angry. May be some times, but he never shows it. He always says’ ‘it’s okay’. It’s Dina who some times sulks. But she always reminds her self not to, because it was part of her decision.
Dina knows exactly who Juna is. Her business as a businessman has made it harder for them to meet each other. Even for his first wife, Juna doesn’t have much time. He runs his business from Jakarta, while his wife and their three children live in Yogya. Juna never stays in a same place in a day. In the morning he called while from Ciputat. AT noon he calls while having lunch in Bandung. Late evening his message told that he was on the way to Bogor. Late at night, when Dina said good night, he’s back to Jakarta, preparing for tomorrow.
But meeting physically, Dina has to accept the reality that Juna’s time to meet her is almost zero. She has to be happy enough, if her days waiting, is only paid with one or two hours togetherness.

***

Like today. Her three weeks waiting should have been finished few hours ago. Today, Juna is having a meeting in Bogor. He said, before his flight to Yogya, he wwould meet her. But when Juna said he had a meeting, Dina wouldn’t call him. He would when he finished, as soon as possible.
But it has been for hours since the last message Juna sent. Dina wanted to call him, he might forget. But no, he never did. Dina didn’t want to make him angry. No, he wouldn’t. He would just say: still having a meeting. I’ll call you later. Love you.
Suddenly Dina was shocked by her hand phone rang. Juna! No, it’s her mother. It’s not that she wasn’t happy her mother called. It’s just, it was Juna she was waiting for at the time.
“Hello, Dina?”
“Hello, Mom”
“I just finished shopping in Pasar Minggu. I’m about to go home. Can I stop by to your home?”
“Not now, mother, I’m sorry”
“Why? Oh.. is Juna there?”
“Mm… yes…”
“I want to meet Juna”
“But you have, Mom”
“It’s been so long ago”
“Mom, I don’t want to be selfish, But you understand, Juna’s time for me is not that much either. He will have to go to Yogya on 17.00. If you come here, I wouldn’t be able to… “, she pretended she was too shy to finish her words.
“Okay, I understand. I’ll just go straight home then”
“I’m really sorry, Mom. I promise I’ll visit you right after Juna leaves”
“No problem, my dear”
It was silent for a while.
“Dina, I’m glad he’s visiting you”
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean my daughter. I’ve been worrying, Juna doesn’t leave you some of his time. I can’t imagine seeing you being left”
“Mom, what are you talking about? No body’s being left. I’m fine. Do you want to talk to Juna?”, her heart beats stronger and faster while she was offering this, not knowing what to do if her mother said ‘yes’.
“No, that’s fine. Tell him I said hello”
“Ok, mom”

***

Dina took a deep breath and exhaled. She laid her body down on his bed. Then she crinkled and held her phone tight. The tears she was held while having conversation with her mother, spilled out. Lying to cover her pain, has been mor painful than the real pain it self.
No, mom. Juna isn’t here. I’m waiting for him to come. I didn’t want you to see me like this. If my love wasn’t big enough, I would have called what I’m doing right now, an illness.
Her mother wouldn’t let her be left. They have discussed about this before. She almost didn’t support Dina’s decision to be Juna’s wife.
“Being a second wife is so hard, Din. Moreover without his first wife knowing it”
“I know, mom. But I won’t ask for too much. And Juna will not reduce her wife’s right. I don’t want to hurt any other woman’s feeling. I’m ready with whatever I will have to bear for my decision”.
And her mother hugged her.

***

Knock knock on the front door woke her up from thoughts about her mother. Hurry up she took a tissue and wipe her tears. Juna must not know she just cried. Just few steps to the door, she turned around to the bathroom and wash her face. A tissue is not enough. And then went to open the door.
And this was what was in front of her eyes. A young man brought her a bunch of flowers.
“Mrs. Dina? You have a delivery from Mr Arjuna”, he smiled like he was feeling the happy too for the full of love delivered flowers.
“Thank you very much”, and she took the flower into the house. She read the card on it: for my rainbow, with love, Juna.
Questions, doubts, disappointments, and hopes. Mixed in her mind. She put the flower in a big glass filled with water. She doesn’t have a vase for it. This was the first time Juna sent her flowers.
The phone rang, this time is Juna. Dina looked at the clock. 16.20. At 17.00 th plane that will take Juna to his wife and children will be boarding. Is Juna right now at the end of the street? Or may be he’s in front of her house and trying to play a joke?
“Hello”
“Hello Dina, dear”, his voice sound so tired.
“I’ve been waiting. The meeting was so long…”
“I know, I’m sorry. I also get kinda of crazy right now. It was so hard, and went two hours much longer than I thought. I planned to come and visit you before I go to airport. But you see, it’s almost half to five. I’m in toll way and on the way to the airport right now. I’m really sorry I can’t see you. By the way, I have ordered some… hello… Din…”
“Yea… I’m listening. Your flowers just came”
“O really? So quickly… Do you like it?”
“I do. It’s beautiful. I was surprise receiving it. You’ve never done this before. Thank you”
Dina could hear Juna exhaled. Like he thought Dina thought it was a romantic thing he has done.
“Great. I hope it will be able to substitute my presence for this time. I’m really sorry. I’ll try to come some other time, I promise”
“Off course. Take care”
“I’ll call you later”
“Yes, don’t forget to”
“Din, I care about you so much”
“I know. Bye”
And I love you Jun. I’m dying loving you…
Dina closed her hand phone flip. Closed her eyes tight for the tears not to flow. But it was no use. This is the real pain. She was so afraid that after this she would have to buy a vase, because Juna will often change his presence with flowers.

***

One more time Dina looked at the mirror, to make sure there were no more signs that she just cried. She has prepared the happiest smile to show to her mother.
“Hello, mom. Juna’s left. I’m on my way to you now”
“Is Juna driving you”
“No. We go different way. He’d be late for the flight if ha drove me. I’m taking a taxi”
“Okay, I’m waiting for you”
“Oh, and Mom, he said hello to you”