the hero...

pahlawan...

...lies in everybody. the brave hearts are those who conquer the fears.
...ada dalam diri setiap orang. pemberani adalah mereka yang mengalahkan ketakutan.

Dan's (one) big fear was height. he has a phobia. but slowly he can get along with height. standing on the third step of a ladder used to make him trembling and sweat, but now he can climb to the rooftop.
salah satu ketakutan Dan yang besar adalah ketinggian. dia punya phobia. tapi perlahan dia bisa akrab dengan ketinggian. dulu, berdiri di anak tangga ketiga bisa bikin gemetar dan berkeringat. sekarang dia bisa naik ke atap.

his other fear was blood -- and things related to it. he once almost got fainted when his big toe was stubbed and bleeding. he almost got fainted when he accompanied Ar picking his baby tooth and needed an injection on his gum. thing like that.
salah satu ketakutannya yang lain adalah darah -- dan hal-hal yang berkaitan dengan itu. pernah dia hampir pingsan karena jempol kakinya kesandung dan berdarah. hampir pingsan ketika menemani Ar harus disuntik gusinya waktu cabut gigi. hal-hal semacam itu lah.

through my first and second time delivering my children, Dan wasn't there beside me to accompany me. I understood very well his fear. if he got fainted while I was struggling, it would be an inconvenience. so I let him waited outside, just as long as he was there.
waktu melahirkan anak pertama dan kedua, Dan tidak menunggui aku. aku mengerti sekali ketakutannya. kalau dia pingsan saat aku sedang berjuang, alangkah repotnya. jadi aku biarkan dia menunggu di luar ruangan.

on our last visit to the doctor before the baby birth

but on my third, I asked him to accompany me, inside the room, beside me. I said, "I'm feeling too old to have a baby. I am not that young and strong. I am so nervous. I need you to strengthen me". I meant it.
tapi di kehamilan ketiga, aku minta dia untuk menemani aku di dalam ruangan, di sampingku. kataku, "aku merasa sudah tua untuk punya bayi. aku ngga muda dan kuat lagi. aku gugup banget. aku butuh kamu temani". aku sungguh-sungguh.

it was a blessing that he agreed. Dan sat there beside my bed during my labor. and witnessed the second Dek Ai' breathed and cried for the first time. and not got fainted.
sungguh sebuah anugrah dia mau. Dan duduk di sebelah tempat tidurku selama proses persalinan. menyaksikan detik Dek Ai' bernafas dan menangis untuk pertama kalinya. dan tidak pingsan.

I do appreciate what he did. it was a huge thing he did for me. he really did support me. and I am so grateful. my hero.
aku sangat menghargai yang dilakukannya. hal besar. dia mendukungku, menguatkan. dan aku sangat berterima kasih, pahlawanku.


Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

Ibit 'slapped' me, again

I read some where about moms who have new born baby. they were to busy taking care of the newborn and ignore their older children. I'm glad you don't do so
aku pernah baca tentang ibu-ibu yang punya bayi. dia sibuk mengurus bayinya yang baru lahir dan mengabaikan kakak si bayi. aku senang ibu ngga gitu'

***

that's now.
itu sekarang.

I confess. when my twin were born, I ignored Ibit -- though I didn't mean to. I spend most of my time for the twins, and less for Ibit. I demanded Ibit to take care of her self when she was still three years old. I yelled at her for things shouldn't be yelled at.
aku ngaku dosa. dulu jaman kembar lahir, aku mengabaikan Ibit -- walau sama sekali tidak bermaksud begitu. waktuku tercurah ngurusin bayi kembar dan sedikit banget untuk Ibit. aku menuntut Ibit yang belum genap tiga tahun untuk mandiri. memarahi untuk hal-hal yang tidak seharusnya disebut kesalahan.

I remember she slammed the door because she said some thing but I didn't pay attention. may be after three years later, I realized the mistake I've done. too late I know. but as soon as that I tried to pay. I support every obsession she has, fulfill every hope. hard, as she is a perfectionist. maybe not enough but I try my best.
aku ingat dia membanting pintu karena tidak kugubris permintaannya. mungkin baru setelah kembar berumur tiga tahunan, aku menyadari bahwa aku hutang banyak perhatian untuk dicurahkan ke putriku itu. telat banget, I know. tapi aku sesegera itu berusaha membayar. mendukung setiap obsesinya, berusaha memenuhi setiap harapannya. sulit, karena dia perfeksionis. mungkin belum cukup, tapi aku berusaha.

***

I used to do so, when your twin brothers were born
dulu Ibu begitu, waktu adik kembarmu baru lahir


I don't remember
aku tidak ingat

you were so young. but I do remember (and my regrets still goes on...)
kamu masih kecil. tapi Ibu ingat (nyeselnya belum ilang, dan ga bisa dibayar, nak...)

why are you not like that now? you still take care of me and Ar Ir although you are busy with dek Ai'
kenapa sekarang ngga begitu? Ibu tetep ngurusi kakak-kakak meskipun repot ngurusin dek Ai'

because now I know I was wrong. I don't want to do the same mistake. beside, you and Ar Ir are big kids now. you all are so clever helping me taking care of dek Ai'. so I still have much time for you big brothers and sister.
karena sekarang Ibu tahu dulu Ibu salah. ngga mau begitu lagi. lagian, kakak-kakak sudah besar, pinter bantuin Ibu ngurusin dek Ai' jadi Ibu tetep ada waktu ngurusin kakak-kakak...

***

I still don't know how to thank Ibit...
ga tahu deh bagaimana harus berterima kasih ke Ibit...


she always find a way to cheer up herself. like this picture, what do you think she was doing?
dia selalu punya cara untuk menghibur diri sendiri. seperti foto ini, menurutmu dia sedang apa?

the facts - a note seven days after.

Fakta-fakta - sebuah catatan setelah tujuh hari.

I'm not in the mood of being sentimental. I just want to talk facts.
aku sedang tidak mood being sentimental. aku mau bicara fakta saja.

@Fact 1: Dek Ai' was delivered after exactly 40weeks pregnancy and over 14 hours struggling.
Fact 2: Was so tiny, 5,5 lbs and 19 inches.
Fact 3: Succeeded early initiation within 30 minutes.

Fakta 1: Dek Ai lahir setelah kehamilan selama 40 minggu, dan 14 jam perjuangan di ruang bersalin.
Fakta 2: Kecil, cuma 2,4 kg dan 48 cm.
Fakta 3: Berhasil dalam Inisiasi Menyusui Dini di 30 menit setelah kelahirannya.



Fact 4: He was, and still yellow due to Icterus, high bilirubin in his blood. Therefore he needs extra sunbathing every morning, and much maternity milk flowing -- to gain weight and rinse the bilirubin along with the pee.
Fakta 4: Tubuhya kuning karena Icterus, kandungan bilirubin yang tinggi dalam darah. Karenanya dia butuh dijemur tiap pagi, dan banyak minum ASI -- untuk menambah berat badan dan menggelontor bilirubinnya keluar bersama urine.


Fact 5: As the doctor told me, a yellow baby sleeps a lot, over 18 hours a day. I need to wake him up every other hour to breastfeeding.
Fakta 5: Seperti kata dokter, bayi kuning banyak tidur, lebih dari 18 jam sehari. Aku harus membangunkannya tiap 2 jam untuk menyusui.


Fact 6: He is now 7 days old, and like I've always wished and my every prayer, I wish for his health.
Fact 7: I'm just a mother, who has found him as my new reason to live. And I'll do the best I can, that's all I can do.

Fakta 6: Sekarang Dek Ai' sudah 7 hari, dan seperti yang selalu aku mohon dalam doa, aku memohon untuk kesehatannya.
Fakta 7: Aku cuma seorang ibu, yang mendapatinya sebagai alasan baru bagiku untuk hidup. Aku akan memberikan yang terbaik yang aku bisa, hanya itu yang aku bisa.




Hosted by Cecily and Krista

the little guy

I am not a patient girl. nothing happens on my due date drove me crazy. I didn't want to be induce or have C-section. then I did crazy thing that I thought would give me contraction.
aku bukan gadis penyabar. tidak terjadi apa-apa di HPL bikan aku senewen. aku ga mau diinduksi apalagi operasi. lalu aku melakukan hal-hal gila, yang aku pikir bisa merangsang kontraksi

I swept the whole house's floor (well it is a small house anyway :P)
I cleaned the bath room
I walked 2 kilo meters in the morning, and again in the afternoon
aku ngepel seluruh rumah (halah, rumah kecil ding :P)
aku nyikat kamar mandi
aku jalan 2 kilo di pagi hari, dan lagi sore harinya
I wanted to walk around every floor in the biggest mall in the city but Dan thought it was too crazy he could not tolerate.
aku mau jalan-jalan keliling tiap lantai di mal paling besar di semarang, tapi ga boleh sama Dan.

I don't know if those worked, or there was any other reasons. I got contraction and about 9 pm I went to hospital. until 7 am (GOD, ten hours!) there was no progress, my contraction stood still, even weakening. I didn't want but I needed a little induction to fix the contraction. at 8 am they put it in, and alhamdulillah at 9.10 am, this little guy says hello to me.
ngga tahu apakah itu hasil usahaku atau ada sebab lain. akhirnya aku dapat kontraksi dan jam 9 malam masuk rumah sakit. sampai jam 7 pagi (Ya Tuhan, sepuluh jam!) tidak ada kemajuan. kontraksiku bukannya nambah malah melemah. aku tidak ingin tapi harus diberi induksi untuk memperbaiki kontraksi. jam delapan infus dipasang, dan alhamdulillah jam 09.10, lelaki ganteng ini berteriak menyapaku

world, Dek Ai'
dunia, Dek Ai'


*we haven't find a name but we already have that nick name.
*belum nemu nama panjang, pokoknya panggilanannya begitu

******
this has been the biggest toot of the week. so I'm joining

the due date

this is me, I just took my very own picture with my cellphone, few minutes ago.


how do I look?

fat ?
beautiful?
ugly?
happy?
sad?

no matter how I look, let me tell you how I am feeling inside, right now.

I am frustrated.

this is my due date and I still haven't got any signs. the doctor said if the baby doesn't come within a week, he will induce me -- or I might need a section.

I don't want either one. I hope everything will go, normally.

Hosted by Cecily and Mamarazzi

the schedule

I'm tired of listening to the kids fighting, who has to take bathe first or second or last. it happens twice a day, everyday.
capek tiap hari dengerin anak-anak berantem, siapa yang harus mandi pertama, kedua, terakhir. tiap hari, sehari dua kali.


so I made this schedule and put it on bathroom door. they MUST obey it or they should never take bathe - ever...
jadi aku bikin jadwal ini, ditempel di pintu kamar mandi. mereka harus patuhi jadwal atau ngga usah mandi sekalian - selamanya...



Hosted by Cecily and Mom24

Popo

This is Popo. He is a boy from somewhere around the neighborhood. Popo is Sasa's boy friend. There is another boy who looked quite cute and flirted Sasa but Sasa didn't like. I must agree with Sasa, Popo is so handsome.

Ini Popo. Cowok dari sekitar perumahan sini. Popo ini pacarnya Sasa. Ada cowok lain lumayan ganteng yang naksir Sasa, tapi Sasa ga suka. Aku harus setuju sama Sasa, Popo emang ganteng banget...